Themes For a Road Trip Mixtape

an old pair of new shoes.

2011-06-06T13:54:00.000-04:00

My buddy / Co-worker Jake gave me my first pair of cowboy boots. I feel like the marks the beginning of a new era.

What Child Abuse Taught Me About God's Favor

2011-06-04T15:11:00.000-04:00

...and other benefits of skipping 3rd Grade.
Aaron moved in next door the summer after my second grade year. On a street full of houses mine was the last one on the right, and on the other side of our fence was a small apartment building. It was a strange location for apartments but as a kid those ugly brown buildings just held significance as the place where my best friend slept when he wasn’t at my house. Aaron’s mom had just gone through a divorce and was trying to get back on her feet. She and my mom became close as well.

The year my mother started homeschooling me I would have been going into third grade. A few other moms from church were homeschooling their children and convinced her to jump on the band wagon. But she didn’t just start teaching me; she started homeschooling Aaron as well. Since Aaron was a year older and starting 4th grade my mother decided third grade wasn’t that important and started me in fourth as well.

Homeschooling with my mom, who had been diagnosed with Lupus and Fibromyalgia a few years earlier, was a mixed bag. Some days she’d be in full teacher mode. Other days looked more like a list of assignments in the morning, lunch in the afternoon, and the rest of the day playing with action figures and reading comic books until Aaron’s mom picked him up after work. I liked those days better.

Aaron was not the easiest best friend to have. He was taller than me, a better drawer than me, had more girls who liked him than me and he “accidentally” broke my ankle... twice. Also there were the 11 stitches on the top of my head thanks to Aaron and an incident with a large icicle. Come to think of it I’m lucky to be alive. Ironically I think we were both a little jealous of each other. My mom had just re-married so I had a Dad, and a house, and a mom who didn’t beat me.

I remember quite vividly an afternoon at Aaron's’ apartment, he got in trouble for mouthing off to his mom and she got so angry she smacked him across the face with a pair of scissors. As a kid you don’t know what to do in those situations. I remember being pretty scared. A few weeks later he lied to my mom about something and she called him out on it. She told him she would have to tell his mom and he’d have to write out I will not tell lies to Mrs. Morris on paper a million times (okay it was probably only a hundred but when you’re in third fourth grade it’s the same thing). I was so afraid of his mom’s anger and punishment that I begged my mom to let me take the blame. We hadn’t been going to church that long but I threw out some beginner Sunday School jargon about grace and Jesus taking our punishment.

So I did. I wrote until my arm felt like it was going to fall off and then I wrote some more ... I will not lie to Mrs. Morris. And, yes, I wrote it out as if I were Aaron, which might have been the hardest part because for those few hours she wasn’t my mom. She was “Mrs. Morris”. Later in life she told me how hard it was to not just let me go and excuse the whole exercise. I wish I could say there were never times later that year when I was getting in trouble that I wished he’d stepped in and done the same for me ... or when he “accidentally” shot me in the arm with is Blow Dart Gun I didn’t think, “Seriously?! After all I’ve done for you?”

Then again I was 9.

What I did for Aaron had nothing to do with how nice he was to me, or how cool I thought he was. I mean, yes, I looked up to him; but in that moment it was my nine year old understanding of anger and pain that made me want to step in and rescue him. I had seen firsthand what would happen if his mom got upset and so it was compassion - not his height, or drawing skills, or luck with the ladies - that was at the heart of me taking the fall for my friend.

Isn't that what the Gospel is all about?" Jesus taking the fall for us? The fall of Adam, the fall of man, of humanity! Not because of how much he likes us or how cool we are (though He is fond of us!) but simply because He is good. He LOVES us, wants to be reconciled with us, and doesn't want to see us suffer... “That NONE should perish.”

Things with work have been pretty rough lately. Finances have been tight. And I've been thinking a lot about favor; about how growing up I heard that if God liked you enough he’d give you favor and money and nice cars. Sometimes when work gets slow I wonder if maybe God just doesn't like me or something.
I know, technically, that's not true but it's sort of this subtle conditioning that I have to fight against.

The more I read and study the more I wonder if favor is less about God building us up and setting us on some high pedestal and more about grace, and coming down to walk along side us, making way for redemption, loving us. I was looking at one of the words for “favor” specifically in Proverbs 3:3-4

3Do not let kindness and truth leave you;

Bind them around your neck,

Write them on the tablet of your heart.

4So you will find favor and good repute

In the sight of God and man.

From the Greek and Hebrew www.biblos.com

favor gracious, pleasant, precious, well-favored

From chanan; graciousness, i.e. Subjective (kindness, favor) or objective (beauty) -- favour, grace(-ious), pleasant, precious, (well-)favoured. see HEBREW chanan beseech, fair, be, find, show favorable, be deal, give, grant graciously

A primitive root (compare chanah); properly, to bend or stoop in kindness to an inferior; to favor, bestow; causatively to implore (i.e. Move to favor by petition) -- beseech, X fair, (be, find, shew) favour(-able), be (deal, give, grant (gracious(-ly), intreat, (be) merciful, have (shew) mercy (on, upon), have pity upon, pray, make supplication, X very.

see HEBREW chanah

To bend or stoop in kindness to an inferior...which reminded me of this...Philippians 2

3Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. 5Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, 6who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped,7but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.8Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

I wonder if it's possible that I've spent all these years praying for the "Favor" of God when maybe I've had it all along.

What if it was that simple? What if the favor of God was simply the cross, and redemption, and the humility of a king being emptied that our hearts might be filled. I wonder if the fullness of God’s favor comes from unity and selflessness. Maybe favor is just the grace to keep loving God and loving others.

I once had someone pray over me and they said they felt like God was saying I was going to wear nice clothes and drive nice cars, and that He was going to use me to bring millions of dollars into the kingdom while having one foot in the ministry and one foot in the business world. I used to get frustrated when my bank account would be in the negative and I’d say to God (sarcastically), “where are those millions you promised?!?” And who knows? Someday I might look back and find that the old man who prayed for me was right. But the truth is, the balance in my bank account has nothing to do with how much God loves me.

Am I blessed and highly favored? Let me answer the question with a question. Did Jesus rise again?

What I learned about the trinity from breathing.

2011-05-24T14:00:00.002-04:00

I’ve been thinking about the trinity lately; about how I’m not sure if it’s really like an egg or an apple or water/ice/steam. Isn’t part of the beauty of God the fact that He’s a mystery? Let me ask the question in much less spiritual way. If the last scene of INCEPTION ended any differently would it have been as good of a movie? There’s something frustratingly beautiful about the unresolved tension of the unknown.
There is a more full explanation of the following quote toward the end of this video start 7:45 - the end.

The Jewish name for God – Yahweh – was not spoken, but breathed.
Its correct pronunciation is an attempt to imitate the sound of
inhalation and exhalation. We do that every moment: our first and
last word as we enter and leave the world.
Richard Rohr

In Genesis we read the creation story and see the spirit moving across the face of the waters. That word spirit is “Ruah” and it’s Greek equivelant is Pnuma” which means to breath, more specifically to blow. Which is what we see happening as life is breathed into Adam. And we have Jesus referred to the “word in the beginning, that became flesh” All three of these things are very much connected to the mouth.

Life is sustained by breathing in the essence of God; by inhaling and exhaling love.
The Holy Spirit is that exhaled wind breath that doesn’t just sustain but forms and shapes. And when breath and exhalation are mixed with sound it creates the essence of love in truth, the word clothed in humanity.

Definition for “VOICE” by Webster.
c : expiration of air with the vocal cords drawn close so as to vibrate audibly (as in uttering vowels and consonant sounds as \v\ or \z\)

Loving God and Loving others is like inhaling and exhaling. Jesus is simply the perfect example of how to breathe. To live is pray without ceasing.

Israel Redeemed -Isaiah;43
1 But now thus says Yahweh who created you, Jacob, and he who formed you, Israel: "Don't be afraid, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by your name. You are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, and flame will not scorch you.

Babies on planes that teach me about Jesus.

2011-05-22T16:49:00.007-04:00

"Hands"

I was sitting on the plane on my way to Dallas, next to a single mom who was visibly concerned that her child was going to be disruptive over our next 90 mins in the air together. Apparently the previous leg of the trip was quite rough for the young one. That’s in the top five worst air travel scenarios right?

Sitting next to a screaming 2 year old.
Sitting between two people who just asked for seat belt extensions.
Having a connecting flight that leaves 10 mins after the first one landed late and having to sprint to concourse double Q.
Drawing the losing straw in the TSA pat down/naked x-ray game
Being stuck in Baltimore for 3 days because of a snow storm.

But I was prepared; I had my new smart phone loaded with some movies to watch and the worlds largest set of noise canceling headphones. So imagine my surprise when the potential noise maker started making oogley eyes at me. Her mom held her close and the little baby girl started petting my arm, I was sort of distracted at first by my phone cinema. But she fell asleep, head on her moms chest, hand on my arm. I don’t think the mom even noticed and I honestly thought it was kind of cute.

We all do this sometimes, instinctively, we reach out somewhat blindly for comfort, to feel connected, to feel love. It’s not always a healthy or wise endeavor. It can get twisted and show up between adults in the form of misappropriated sexual activity, competitiveness, fame mongering and a number of other self centered outcries. The “me monster” takes over and we lose ourselves.

But deeper than all of that there is something good and right and true. Something waiting to be redeemed. An opportunity to respond to the kingdom and interact with the Gospel.

LUKE 4:40 English Standard Version (©2001)

Now when the sun was setting, all those who had any who were sick with various diseases brought them to him, and he laid his hands on every one of them and healed them.

Jesus' touch, His hands, were an instrument of wellness. God give me the grace and let my hands be like His. When my neighbor, friend, and stranger reach out, out of their brokenness and into mine, may they be met with redemption, restoration, and a loving grace that is covered and anointed in the very essence of Jesus. Jesus whose hands not only healed the sick, but also took nails and flowed blood so that none should perish.

Oh church let’s not forget that we are named as the very same; Hands of redemption. Broken that redemption may abound. Though the idea of being the "hands and feet of God" is not a direct bible quotation, we are the Embodiment of Jesus the Christ.

A prayer of St.Teresa of Avila

Christ has no body now but yours,
No hands, no feet, on earth but yours.
Your are the eyes through which He looks
Compassion on this world
Yours are the feet
With which He walks to do good.
Your are the hands
With which He blesses all the world
Yours are the hands, yours are the feet.
Yours are the eyes, you are His body.
Christ has no body now but yours,
No hands, no feet on earth but yours
Yours are the eyes, through which He Looks
compassion on the world.
Christ has no body now on earth but yours.

Who are YOU?

2011-05-05T15:21:00.000-04:00

IDENTITY THEFT & SELF AWARENESS

I'd like to start a conversation; with a question. What is it that defines us?

For some it's work, faith, community, and so on. I'm not so much interested in the the "right" answer

as I am in digging into the honest tension of identity.

For those of you who are believers, that is you maintain some level of personal relationship with God. I'd like to take the conversation just a bit deeper and ask.

1. What is your view of your spiritual identity and how did you arrive there?

2. what makes up the you underneath

There are lots of tools out there like "love languages", "strengths finders", core values, spiritual gifts, and others. Have you found any of these helpful, and in what ways? Maybe you have a story of a moment when your identity became solidified in a tangible way. A mission trip that changed you or a family tragedy.

Maybe your not a believer in the evangelical sense. What is it that drives you, motivates you, gives you purpose?

My interest is not in debate, but rather in honest dialogue. My curiosity is in the human spirit and what brings it to life. What does the journey look like, what is the arc of the narrative of personal development? How self aware are you and why?

What are the thieves of substance that rob us of who we are and who we are designed to be?

Hipsters, E-Harmony, and Why You Should Date God

2011-04-28T12:25:00.001-04:00

Spiritual Truths from Online Dating

Going to see live music is just part of the fabric of life in Nashville. At one point, while I was trying to sell myself as a music producer I was getting 6-10 show invites a week in my inbox. Going to all the shows is financial suicide; death by cover charge and PBR. But the night I met Alex and Rachel I was out to see a close friend of mine play drums with his new band. “The End” is an interesting little joint. It has all the trappings of a dive bar; the dim lighting, the poster-littered walls, and the big ole’ sound guy who’s been there since country was cool the first time. That particular night it seemed like all of the hipsters were in a swank match to see who could have the skinnier jeans and the more artsy fedora. The room felt like a Hollywood caricature of the Nashville Scene. Like some director filled the room with pretty people straight out of an urban outfitters catalogue. I remember thinking, “Where are all of these people in real life? I never see them out in the wild”.

Alex and Rachel were one of those unbelievably good looking couples. We began chatting while the stage was being reset for the next band. There was small talk for a bit and then I happened to ask how the two of them met.

“E-harmony” Alex said.

I honestly thought he was joking at first but he went on to tell the story. Alex was new in town and didn’t know anyone. He signed up for the service and met Rachel just a couple weeks later. They were just friends at first but it quickly became something deeper. My conversation with the pretty hipster couple didn’t go much further, the next band came on and I left after their set.

Later that week, I received an email informing me I could make a profile and try a free weekend on one of the online dating sites. I gave it a shot. I went out with Erica, the feisty sarcastic hairdresser who was slightly less attractive than profile pictures lead me to believe; Angie, the nanny who tried to get me in bed after the first date; and Danielle, the bartender who would have been perfect if she knew as much about Jesus as she did about Jersey Shore. I decided three strikes were enough for me. That was the end of my online dating adventures.

The thing about the online approach is that while a profile page can give you a picture of someone, tell you about them, let you know how much you have in common; a profile is not in and of itself a relationship. It leaves much to be desired. The inflections of a voice, the gentle touch of their skin, the goodness in their eyes are the things you cannot experience from a website.

And so I ask this question. I wonder if Scripture is like God’s E-Harmony page to humanity. Move past the obvious irony and consider it for a moment. The written word gives us a picture of who God is, but it is not the relationship itself. It’s a starting point but not and end unto itself. John tells us the “Word” has existed since the beginning. It was the Word that brought creation to life and that same Word that became humanity and gave up His life to redeem the very creation He once formed. To “obey” the Word is to follow Christ. Not Just a historical figure but rather the essence of truth and love that was embodied in Jesus and has existed throughout time.

Is the written Word profitable for doctrine and reproof and correction and instruction in righteousness? Yes. But I submit to you the idea that maybe we could view this written Word as a diving board into a deep pool of relationship. Forgive me for my harshness here but I am beginning to believe the reason we as believers strive so hard for dogma and doctrine is because the idea of a truly relational God by proxy of the Holy Spirit in our lives is scary.

Do you believe your God is big enough to care about you and your specific situation to speak to you in a real way? Is the Heavenly Father you pray to more than some cosmic pen pal who wrote us a letter 2000 years ago and hasn’t responded since because He assumes all we need to know is written in the first letter? I have a hard time believing that. Either God is alive and well and breathing and moving and desperately longing to have an intimate relationship with His beloved or He’s not.

The God I know is wildly imaginative, insatiably personal, eternally relational and in no way stoic, formulaic or mathematical. Do you want the 66 book e-harmony pocket edition Jesus or do you want the fullness? Brother, Sister, I implore you ... hear what I am saying. The Word of God is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. All of it. So yes! Take in all that scripture has to offer. Let it be a firm foundation for your faith.

But honey there’s more.

So much more.

The Back-story

2011-04-14T13:30:00.009-04:00

North of Chicago, right on Lake Michigan, there’s a little town called Kenosha. I get up there once a year or so to spend time with one of my spiritual fathers and his family. I also go up there to clear my head and slow things down for a couple days. There’s a great little coffee shop on the water called Common Grounds where the barista asks questions like, “If you could be personified by one event in history, what would it be?” It’s the kind of place I imagine an author writing some inspiring memoir or iconic piece of fiction in; the kind of place that feels like it should be experienced in black and white.

Just down the road on the Main Street, which feels like the main street in many small towns, is a flower shop called Summer’s Garden. On one of my trips, I stopped in to kill a few minutes before the wine bar next-door opened up. There was a fantastic aroma coming from the front of the store but it wasn’t the flowers. It was soap! There were a number of different scents, some smelled more like something I wanted to eat than use in the shower. The shop owners, Lyna and Kevin, were so kind – I must have asked them a million questions about soap and they answered every one. Lyna makes it at home. She explained the process and the ingredients and the difference between good soap and great soap. She also told me about growing up in Kenosha and living in two houses her whole life. She began to tell the stories of each of the soap labels which were old family photos repurposed. Lyna had a fascinating story. I was so glad to have spent those ten or fifteen minutes listening before buying some soap to take home. I wasn’t just buying soap though – I was investing in her story.

One of the things I love about my church is the importance Pastor Jamie places not only on the narrative of the gospel but also on the interpersonal narratives within our community. Almost every year our small group takes a few weeks and gives everyone in the group an hour or so to share their back-story. It has really helped to create a deeper “soul environment”. It’s not easy telling people where you’ve been and what you’ve done but when you are with people that love you it takes the pressure off. It also opens up space for a continued conversation. The idea that a story doesn’t have to be a testimony is kind of refreshing. I mean that in the context of creating a space where the person sharing their back-story knows that it’s an unfinished narrative and it doesn’t need a happy ending. I’d like to share one such story with you, this is Sherry’s story – it’s not pretty but it is beautiful.

I was a victim of childhood molestation at the age of 5-6. As a teenager I got involved with drugs and alcohol. I overdosed in Jr. High. I was raped at 15 and began to live a promiscuous life style. By the end of my senior year I was pregnant and that pregnancy ended in abortion due to pressure. I moved from home just before I turned 18, into the home of a man twice my age that I had known for less than a month. We married 2 years later and the marriage ended in its first year. I had another relationship that resulted in a pregnancy and the father pressured me into having an abortion. Shortly after, he ended the relationship and moved across the country. I met another man that I shared my secrets with who assured me he loved me and he would never leave if I got pregnant. When I found myself pregnant once again, he tried to pressure me to have an abortion, saying it was something I had done in the past and he didn’t see why I couldn’t do it again. But I chose to carry my baby this time, and did it as a single mom.

I felt guilt, shame, rejection, abandoned, and damaged for all the bad choices I had made. I didn’t know how my life could change. But I loved my baby more than anything and I wanted to be better.

I tried psychological counseling but they wanted to excuse my behavior as “the only choices I could have made at the time” when deep down inside I knew that wasn’t the truth. The memories haunted me. My health was suffering, and I ended up having to take leave from my job.

Surgery and chronic pain left me addicted to pain meds and as a result my doctor placed me in a hospital for withdrawal. However, the in-house psychologist decided I should stay longer to address the past issues. I was in denial of my need or their ability to handle my need. My 3 day stay became a 30 day stay.

I hated being there, separated from my child. One night I cried out to God – on my knees in the library, asking if there really was a God, would he help me, admitting I couldn’t do it alone.

Through the rehab program I met my husband. He brought us to a church where I heard that Jesus loved me and wanted to forgive me for all my sins. In December of 1988 I was introduced to Jesus in a personal way and was amazed that He loved me and would forgive me for all I had done.

I was excited to be involved in church, serving in the office, prayer meetings, learning, and eventually even leading ladies studies. But inside of me I still cringed every time I heard a message on abortion and the murder it was. I sat in silence, guilt, and shame, believing that if anyone knew my story they wouldn’t want me teaching their kids, leading studies or even be part of fellowship. I was forgiven, but still in bondage.

I heard a woman speak on the radio one day who talked about the affects of abortion on women. When she listed the symptoms of post abortion trauma she was talking to me and the tears flowed down my face. I contacted the ministry and that was the beginning of my transition from forgiveness to healing.

The Word of God taught through the study helped me to see my sin and my life in light of God’s Word; to identify areas I needed to confess of my sins and ask forgiveness. But it also identified areas in my life where I needed to be willing to forgive what others had done that hurt me and showed me how to depend on God’s grace to walk out the choices of forgiveness.

Psalms 32:3-5 says, “When I kept silent in my sin my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was zapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord” and you forgave the guilt of my sin”.

The enemy wants to keep us silent, groaning, drained, depressed and guilt ridden, but God doesn’t want that for us. God not only forgave the sin, he forgave the guilt of the sin. Continued guilt from confessed sin is not from Him.

Healing is a process…Confession and forgiveness is huge parts of that process.

Years ago a medical professional sexually molested me during therapy. I was devastated. I was almost crippled, as if I were the 5 year old child. But this time was different, I knew God, and I knew He would help me. So this time, instead of living in fear, hiding and owning someone else’s actions, with the support of my husband, my child, and my pastor I addressed it head on. It was one of the hardest and most painful things I ever faced. But, I was not alone. God’s love and grace walked with me through every uncomfortable step. And when the trial was over, although my assaulter was let go, I was free in a way I had never known possible. I had done the right thing and stood up.

As a result, I went to the ministry where I began my walk of healing, and inquired to become a bible leader and online counselor. I completed that training in 2008 and have since then shared my story with individuals, spoken at churches, and banquets. God did the healing and He always goes before me and prepares me when I speak. In 3 years I have worked with over 50 women through this program, either online or in person.

Most Christians know that I John 1:9 say’s “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” So, we know that God forgives our sins, but it is common for women and men involved with abortion to read this verse and think, “every sin but this one”. But 1 John 1:9 doesn’t say “every sin but this one.” It says; He forgives us all our sins, even “this one”.

I don’t live in my past. I don’t glorify my past. I seek to glorify the one who redeemed me from my past and made me whole… Jesus. When he places a hurting woman in my life, be it as a result of the ministry, or in an unexpected place, I am no longer ashamed; I know who I am in Him. That is true freedom.

It would be easy to zoom in on any part of Sherry’s story and be angry at God, on the surface it seems that there were decades where His goodness was missing. I don’t have an explanation for this. I do know that God worked all of that hurt and pain together for good. God is a God of redemption. Her love for God hopes all things and believes all things and has kept no record of wrong doing.

The narrative of Sherry’s life is deeply personal because the third pregnancy, the child she decided to carry was me. She is my mother.

Angel on Ice Skates

2011-04-11T21:38:00.005-04:00

Unity of the adventure

Rochester, NY is known for a few things; like being home to the Kodak Film Co., Zwaggals Hot Dogs, their delicious Garbage Plate, and being bitterly cold in the winter. I spent this particular weekend in Rochester working on some demos in the studio. Mark’s brother was in a band and they had a pretty killer recording set up at his house.

On a good day the trip from Rochester back up to campus took about 4 hours. Winter weather however, is always somewhat of an unpredictable mystery. Between the lake effect snow, incoming nor’easters, and the occasional ice storm, the ride to Potsdam, NY can stretch out to six or seven hours. This was one of those rides; driving ten to fifteen miles under the speed limit, through white-out snow, wearing out whatever cd was in the deck. It was somewhere in the seventh hour that the snow turned to ice. The sun was setting and the road began to freeze.

Other vehicles had already pulled over but I am from New England. We believe we’re nearly invincible when it comes to storms and we are stubborn. I kept driving. I drove with the car in low gear and went no faster than 10 miles an hour. As I crested a hill and began the descent my wheels started to slip on the now thickening sheet of ice that had replaced the pavement. My little car was drifting. I knew I was in trouble.

My car slid off the road and hit another car, it was the only other vehicle for miles. Crunch! I got out and assessed that there wasn't any serious damage. Nor was there anyone around. I managed to get my little car out of the ditch and out of the way but there would be no more driving in this weather. The road was a sheet of ice.

My cell phone had no reception, the temperature was below freezing and dropping, and I was alone on highway 11 with a car in the ditch and nothing but a set of ice skates in the trunk. Staying in my car until it ran out of gas and I started losing appendages to frostbite seemed like a bad plan. Not that my contingency was much better. You know that Joni Mitchell song about skating away on a river? I kind of tried to do that. I strapped on that pair of ice skates in the trunk, locked my car, and started gliding – quite ungraciously – down the road. My skating escapade lasted about two miles before a set of head lights was shining behind me. Miss Annette and her family were intending on driving from NYC to their daughter’s new college due north. Unfortunately they had driven about 4 hours west when I met them. Miss Annette was a Jazz singer on the lower east side – a lovely women with a beautiful family. The picked me up and we braved the next several miles together. I told them about driving in a lower gear for traction and they told me about their crazy road trip across the state of New York. Eventually we made it into town, eyes tight from laughing.

They dropped me off at the top of the block. I waved goodbye and they shouted, “Thanks for being our angel on ice skates.” Since I left my shoes back in my car I clopped up the steps to my friends' house like a kid on the first day of pewee hockey. The next morning there was a knock on the bedroom door.

"J, the NY State Police are on the phone."
“Hello?”
“Son we are going to need you to come down to the station and fill out some paper work.”

Good morning to you too officer.

I went to the station and told them what happened. They were practically rolling on the floor as I told the story. One of the officers had actually seen me and thought for sure I was a drunken fool out of his mind. I got a ticket for "skating away from the scene of damaged property" but to be truthful, it was totally worth it. I called the woman whose car I damaged to apologize and she was very gracious.

While I only shared a short period of time with Miss Annette and her family they were grateful for my company, the story, and even the advice from someone who had just learned the hard way what not to do. If anything, they saved me from my own silliness. But being an “angel” to them wasn’t like a hero reaching down and pulling a peasant out of the dirt, saying, “Oh you poor thing – let me help you.” It was all of us on the same adventure together; they were saving me too. I wonder if the greatest heroes don’t rescue victims but rather rescue friends. When we come along side of each other and really see one another like neighbors and family then we give and receive so great a help. The dualism of “us” and “them” begins to break, and the unity of loves begins to triumph.

“I wonder if anything is more urgent today, for the honour of Christ and for the spread of the gospel, than that the church should be, and should be seen to be, what by God’s purpose and Christ’s achievement it already is – a single new humanity, a model of human community, a family of reconciled brothers and sisters who love their Father and love each other, the evident dwelling place of God by his Spirit. Only then will the world believe in Christ as Peacemaker. Only then will God receive the glory due to his name.” -John Stott, God's New Society

Nice Legs & Jesus

2011-04-09T21:38:00.003-04:00

Miscommunication Heartbreak and the Holy Spirit

I missed the first couple weeks of class due to my trip to Europe with Mark the Photo Journalist, which wouldn’t have been a big deal save one very important piece of information. This media course required 10 one-page paper assignments to be turned in throughout the semester. That much was made clear. What wasn’t communicated was the academic value of these seemingly inconsequential tasks. So I missed a few here and there, shrugged a couple off, and at the end of the semester was met with a very surprising F. My assumption was that skipping a few simple assignments would be innocuous. I was wrong. Those suckers were worth 60% percent of the grade.

I did, however, meet Kelly the Communicator in that class. She sat two rows behind me. I looked over my shoulder a lot that first class. I liked her right away. She was attractive and she laughed at my jokes. She was the first girl I met who possessed a self-help, pop psychology, relationship book library as large as mine. I started walking Kelly back to her dorm after class; we would flirt and exchange stories. I remember being too scared to ask for her number so one day after class I said, “Hey call me later and let me know if you’re going to the basketball game” at which point, in a moment of successful manipulation, I got her to ask for MY number.

She quickly became a very close friend to both my sister and I; which was perfect at the time. Kelly is the kind of girl that makes a guy want to grow up and become better. She carries herself well, she’s articulate, and she is very loyal. When a couple guys from my floor decided to get a house off campus, Kelly and my sister decided it would be fun to rent out the house next door with a couple other girls. And so was the beginning of our little community. I finally asked Kelly the Communicator out at the end of the spring semester. She was the first girl I dated since high school. I was living the dream; dating the girl next door, playing music with my roommates and racking up heaps of student loan debt to do it.

Kelly was a great teammate, a trait I probably took advantage of too much. She was constantly helping me with class and even some of the work I was doing at the time. After my car was stolen she became my chauffeur. That poor girl did the best she could to put up with my worst. Looking back my truest failure was in my disillusion; I wanted to be a rock-star, plain and simple.

I think Kelly liked the idea of dating a musician until we started talking about the future. All of a sudden the uncertainty overshadowed the excitement and lent itself to worry. This was the beginning of the downward spiral. Little fights became big fights, feelings were hurt, and egos were bruised. My favorite argument was over a Jimi Hendrix poster in my music room. We duked it out over the phone for twenty minutes while I was wandering around a record store in the mall. Years later I realized her problem was not with the poster but with the ideology it represented.

We had many discussions that were tainted by miscommunication. What she would say and what I would hear would be different and vice versa. We did try to work through our differences. I would even wager to say we might have been too educated for our own good at that point. All those self-help relationship books shined in our ability to theorize on how to communicate with one another but proved destructive to the actual conversation. While she encouraged me to be the best possible version of myself academically and professionally I interpreted her loving encouragement as a threat and ploy to get me to give up on my dreams, quit music, and become a College Professor.

One night I asked Mark the Photo Journalist for some advice. He asked me two questions. 1. Does she love Jesus? and 2. Does she turn you on? The answer to both was yes. But I needed more than nice legs and Jesus to convince me that Kelly and I were meant for each other.

Sometimes relationships are like that media class I failed. You think you’re doing great and the mistakes you’re making are inconsequential. It feels familiar and easy but the next thing you know it’s over and your heart has a big F on it.

1 Cor 13 6-8
6 {love} rejoices with the truth; 7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8Love never fails.

There’s no big red ribbon, no white-horse-happy-ending. Kelly and I broke up. It was ugly. I hurt her pretty deeply and we both made mistakes.

God is a God of restoration; this is one thing I know. Not only that, He’s also a God of relationship. I don’t know what eternity looks like; I’m not a scholar on the new heavens and the new earth. But I do wonder if those we tie our souls to in this life, the ones we let in, connect with on a deeper level, the people who are like family to us; I wonder if those are the people our spirits will rejoice with in eternity. If that’s true it makes me want to love well – here in this present life – so the next stage can be a little sweeter.

Years later Kelly and I reconnected and repaired our friendship. Clarity is a funny thing. It usually comes thirty seconds to late. Learning to listen, learning to communicate, learning to love isn’t something I’ve found in pop psychology books. It’s a painful beautiful process that I will walk through the rest of my life as I follow the spirit and commune with the Father.

Cheap Beer, Cops, Weed & Jesus

2011-04-06T07:06:00.013-04:00

day 30
finding God's presence in the dark

Have you ever smelled something that took you to another place? Or maybe heard a sound that turned your brain into a time machine? Doctors call it “involuntary recurrent memory”, more commonly referred to in TV and film as “flashbacks”. For some reason every time I catch the scent of yogurt covered raisins (which isn’t very often) I instantly flashback to second grade, grabbing a snack out of the pantry in my parents’ house, right before a wild pitch with a tennis ball took out a window pane in our garage.

One of the more meaningful involuntary recurrent memories I have is from a road trip, my Junior yr in college, to Charlotte, NC. I’m sitting in the back seat of an old Geo Metro. The kid on my right smells like alcohol and energy drinks; we’ve stopped on a side street and the other guy in the back seat steps out to purchase some of his “medicine” (marijuana) for the trip. I’m pretty sure I was the only one in the car who was over twenty-one; so when the Charlotte metro officer pulled up behind us I was more than a little concerned about how the next few minutes of my life were going to unfold. In that moment I asked myself a question that is very important to ask yourself in these types of situations. “What am I doing with my life?!”

My first semester at Lee University had its share of hardships; with my car being stolen, losing a close friend to suicide, coming back from Europe quite ill, and fighting with depression, not to mention the normal frustrations with adjusting as a transfer student. My head and my heart were burnt out. I had been trying to cope emotionally, catch up academically, and stay alive spiritually. But I wasn’t doing any of those things well.

My social drinking started becoming more of a hobby. This will get you friends when you live on an alcohol free campus. I became known as the guy with the bottle of Jack Daniels stored in the drop ceiling above my closet. Occasionally I would come across complete strangers in my room, with a freshly mixed drink, a couple bucks on the table and low muttered “thanks bro” as he walked out. I’m not sure when my closet attained open bar status, but when you’re hooking the right people up, you don’t get in trouble.

A couple days before I left for Charlotte I was talking to my Sister; she was trying to pray some sense into me. She said, “J. You need to start Loving the Lord; I don’t think you love God very much these days”. And she was right.

Sure between drinks and classes I had tried to find God a few times that semester. I looked for God with my guitar, on my bed, in that prison cell of a dorm room, I checked a few churches in my town to see if He was there, even looked for him on a couple of dates with “good girls”. But I didn’t find Him. At least not the Him I was looking for at the time.

I don’t remember anything about the ride to Charlotte, only that I couldn’t wait to get away from the dorm rooms in Bowdle Hall. So there I am, in a back seat full of very incriminating evidence scrambling to hide the empty bottles of Smirnoff ice and 211 Steele reserve. Praying to a God I hadn’t kept in touch with, to keep me out of jail. Sometimes it takes those aha! moments of “what had to go wrong in my life to end up here?” to really clear up the brain fog.

The next few minutes seemed like an eternity, and I may not have been very close to God earlier that day but you better believe I remembered how to pray real quick. So somewhere between answered prayer and dumb luck that officer stayed in his a car and carried on with his business. The next morning, as a sign of good faith I decided to pay God a visit. I went to church with my friend Manny. Manny’s father was the pastor of a black church in Charlotte. After the service Pastor Threatt invited me over for lunch. That afternoon I opened up, I told him about my roommate’s death, my stolen car, my search for a God I had once loved so much. I explained how I had been feeling burnt out and how any attempt to find, love, or serve God was kind of empty and more out of habit than faith. Fully expecting him to commiserate with me and pat me on the back, imagine my surprise when he said, “The only time people get burned out is when they don’t spend enough alone time with GOD. Let me show you.” He then took me upstairs to a small finished attic space. It was there in that little room with its pink carpet, plush pillows, and unscented candles for the first time in a very long time I felt the presence of the LORD. Pastor Threatt told me that this was his prayer room, where he “hung out” with God. Usually I would say this was hokey but down deep I knew it to be true. I could tell this man had long talks with God, like they were friends or brothers or something.

Even though my ride to Charlotte wasn’t very memorable I’ll never forget the ride back. I was silent the whole time. I felt the darkness starting to lift and the words of my sister Lore’ and Pastor Threatt kept repeating in my head. Love God and spend alone time with Him. Could it really be that simple?

john 15 26 "When the Advocate is come whom I will send to you from the Father's presence--the Spirit of Truth who comes forth from the Father's presence--He will be a witness concerning me.

John 16 27 for the Father Himself holds you dear, because you have held me dear and have believed that I came from the Father's presence.

Unrequited love songs

2011-04-04T21:01:00.004-04:00

day 29
God as the hopeless romantic

I write a lot of songs. I’ve been lucky enough to write with some amazingly talented people over the years. Some famous, many not, but all very passionate about their craft. Song writing is such a strange process because for some it’s not really a process at all; it’s more like an experience. For others it’s much more mechanical; show up at work, write some melodies, articulate some lyrics, throw in a catchy guitar riff and move on to the next one.

Many of my songs are inspired by my woeful love life or the romantic happenings of my friends. One of the recurring themes in my songs and in my life is “unrequited love”. I have a skill for being captivated by the uninterested. Don’t get me wrong this is not a cry for sympathy as much as it is a communication of empathy. Most of us have experienced that pit in our stomachs when someone we like walks into the room, and we are dying to confess our feelings but we don’t for one reason or another. Also, I imagine many of us have mustered up the courage to actually speak our heart only to be let down easy with some sort of thanks but no thanks.

Rejection hurts, whether we are paralyzed by the fear of it or immobilized by the feelings after it; it’s painful. I read an article recently about how great music comes from broken people. For me this is true, some of my favorite songs were reflections on my least favorite moments in life. There were the girls with whom I fell in love with the idea of them, the ladies with whom I landed quickly in the friend zone, and the women who I actually shared my feelings with only to be shot down like a bird in hunting season. Yet, I have no regret of being willing to take chances with love.

Does it hurt to not be loved back? Yes. I have been disappointed and let down by those who used me as their backup plan, as the emotional fill in or the fake boyfriend. Though, if I’m honest, I’m guilty of the same with others. Everyone wants to feel love; relational, brotherly, or otherwise. We crave it, live by it, and above all it’s part of who we are designed to be. It’s no wonder the great commandment is to love God and love others. When humanity is deprived of love it is deprived of the richest of all natural resources.

Wikipedia
“Unrequited love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. The beloved may or may not be aware of the admirer's deep affections.”

The greatest unrequited lover is Love Himself. He has deep affections for us and sometimes we are completely oblivious. Sometimes we make God the backup plan. We give him a call when we’re a little sad or lonely. We send him a drunken text when things with whatever idol we’ve replaced him with aren’t going so well. We put Him in the friend zone and only allow our ability to give and receive love to go so deep.

One of the worship leaders I played with years ago used to say, “Christians don’t tell lies they just sing them”. “...I give you my heart, I give you my soul, I live for you alone” or “All I want is you...” Grace is God saying, “I love you” and worship is us responding “I love you too”. Sometimes that looks like songs of adoration; sometimes it’s feeding the hungry or praying for the sick. Whatever it is that we do to not just love but do love is worship.

There is a God in Heaven who is desperately longing for a relationship with us. He is fascinated by us, enamored with our intricacies, unabashedly proud of who we are, and completely overwhelmed with compassion and a desire to see us walk in the fullness of who we are designed to be.

1 Cor 13
2 And if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

Would it be safe to say that I could be the most spiritually gifted believer on the planet but if I don’t have, poses, receive God as the fullness of love, then it profits me nothing?

1 John 4
7Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 8The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 9By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. 10In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.12No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us. 13By this we know that we abide in Him and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit. 14We have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son to be the Savior of the world.
15Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. 16We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 17By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world. 18There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. 19We love, because He first loved us.

He loved us first, with no hesitation, and put all his cards on the table. The cross stands as a shameless display to win our affections. The Groom is down on one knee, ring box open, saying, “I know you don’t really know me, but you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I’ve been watching you for a while, your whole life in fact, I love everything you do. I see so much goodness in you. I want to spend all of my time getting to know you better from now until forever. I’d be honored if you would let me.” And sometimes we say no.

I’ve written a lot of songs, some great and some not so great. But there’s an author writing the poems and prose of eternity on the pages of humanity – a pen dipped in the ink of compassion. How incredible is the invitation to have a part in this story?

The story of Johny Gelato

2011-04-02T13:05:00.003-04:00

Day 28
There's a difference between sharing the gospel
and sharing of the gospel

If you’ve ever been to a larger city you’ve seen the street meat cart; those shiny metal boxes filled with delicious, wax paper wrapped heart attacks. Hot dogs, pretzels, Gyros, you name it I probably bought one from a street vendor. In the Summer of 2005, before Mark became the photo journalist capturing images for the Times and The Journal, he was running a Marketing Company in Rochester. I came down late that spring to help him out with a few projects. When I arrived at the office on the 5th floor of the Goodman St. complex the place was a mess. There were sheet metal and insulation pieces on the ground, and the over-sized whiteboards on the east wall were covered in strategies and plans for something.

One of our friends hat recently returned from a trip to Italy. While he was there he experienced the delight of fine homemade Venetian gelato. The idea was simple. Bring an international dessert to NY and sell it out of a cart. We had a superior product from an amazing supplier, a vintage style mobile ice box, and of course the key to the whole thing was our friendly face to the masses. Which I didn’t realize until the end of Mark's pitch, was me.

It seemed like a good plan. I’d put on my candy stripe button down and my newsies cap, head down toward the pier, and sell cart fulls of dessert cups. We tried everything to get that business off the ground. We took it to festivals, fairs, birthday parties, anywhere we could get people to try it. You would expect that being a salesman for something that everyone should like would be easy right? I’d give history lessons on gelato to potential customers, I’d offer free samples, we even had punch cards to encourage repeat business.

That cart quickly became the bane of my existence. It was a quarter mile from the storage facility to our spot on the pier, and it was literally up hill both ways. I spent 12-14 hours a day, six days a week, trying to sell that stuff. We eventually hired high-school Kate to operate the cart because the company couldn't afford to pay me.

I remember one of our early business meetings, one of the selling points was that we were going to all make so much money we’d take a trip to Italy, and eat gelato in Venice or Milan. Ironically enough, Mark and I did end up in Italy together, on a missions trip. Unfortunately, it was for about 12 hours, most of which were spent in an airport, waiting for our flight to Hungary.

You learn a lot from failure. Once you experience it, it loses some of it’s fear factor. We started a business, used every trick and most of the money we had, but it didn’t work. I wish I had 7 reasons why Johny Gelato failed and 6 steps to success, but I don’t. And this is how sharing your faith can feel sometimes. I don’t mean sharing it in the, "I left a chic tract in the gas station bathroom", or the "If you were to die tonight” tactic. I mean wearing Jesus on your sleeve, choosing to take up your cross and follow him; constantly trying to hear from and follow the voice of the Holy Spirit. Sharing your faith like a pre-schooler shares her Oreo cookies.

As if to say, “Here’s something I love, that my mommy or daddy gave me, it’s awesome. Do you want some?" Which is kind of what we were doing with our frozen dessert, “It’s awesome, I know you’ve never tasted anything like this before!" "Sure, there’s other stuff down the road that’s similar, but this is the real thing!” I hope that’s kind of the place our faith sharing comes out of. A place of relationship, with an honest story, and a genuine heart that really translates to people.

But when it doesn’t, that’s okay too. In the kingdom of Heaven, the Kingdom we are praying daily to come as "His will be done”, success is not measured by conversion numbers; it’s not even measured by how obedient we are to the prompting of the Holy Spirit, though that is vital. Success in the kingdom of God is Christ, and Him crucified, risen and coming again. Should we be faith sharers? Yes! As long as it is the love of Christ that compels you toward compassion for those in need of Love. People are the only thing that are eternal; Why invest in anything else?

Philemon 1
Greeting
1Paul, a prisoner for Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother,
To Philemon our beloved fellow worker 2and Apphia our sister and Archippus our fellow soldier, and the church in your house:
3Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
Philemon’s Love and Faith
4I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, 5because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints, 6and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ.a 7For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you.

A different kind of mountain top experience

2011-03-31T13:17:00.027-04:00

Day 27
it's a down hill battle
and it's all up hill from here.

I know I’ve mentioned the time I spent working on the mountain as a ski and snowboard instructor. I thought you might be interested to know how exactly that happened. My high school was just a few miles from the mountain and lift tickets for locals were cheaper than a value meal at a fast food joint. The very first time I strapped into a snowboard I was with my best friend Jonathan. I had a brand new board my parents had given me as a Christmas present, some goggles I bummed off my buddy in lost and found, and a pretty killer jacket I nabbed from the thrift store where my Mom was the bookkeeper. Being skiers for a number of years, Jon and I opted out of taking snow boarding lessons and decided to wing it. To our credit we handled the bunny slope pretty well and after an hour or so we felt like it was time to step up our game and take it to the next level.

On skis I had made that Range View run a hundred times and could cruise the trail from top to bottom, full tuck, in under three minutes. On this particular day it took Jon and I just under two hours to make it down. I’d say two thirds of it we spent on our butts, backs, knees or with our face in the snow. I spent the next three days of my vacation in bed, too stiff to move. If not for the fact that I already owned the stupid snowboard I probably would have quit right then and there. Not only did I own the board, I begged for it, and there was no way my parents would let me turn back now. So I took lessons for six weeks from a long-haired hippie with dreads and purple sunglasses. By the end of the season I was a better rider than I ever was a skier. I still spent my fair share of time with my face in the snow but at least by then I was biting it on black diamonds instead of bunny trails.

I wish I could say that I started teaching out of some noble respect for lessons and how much they helped me. In a round about way that’s true. I fell in love with snowboarding and found out instructors not only got to ride for free but actually got paid to do it. I do accredit my love for teaching to that season of life. There was something exciting about spending every weekend with a class of 15 or 20 students who each came from different ethnic, age, and socioeconomic backgrounds. Finding a way to take the basic principles that were necessary and make them relatable to everyone in the group.

The first thing your supposed to teach your students is how to fall. There’s a right way and wrong way to do it. It may seem like your setting them up for failure but the truth is when learning something new like that, you are going to fall. If you don’t do it correctly you are going to get hurt. On the other hand, if you know how to fall, the damage is less impacting, you get up quicker, and you can continue the learning process.

I think in some ways this is how faith works. As believers we get so concerned with not falling, failing, or making mistakes that we never learn how to fall gracefully and get up quickly. The truth is all of us fall. James says, “we all stumble in many ways” (James 3:2) and Paul says, "We all fall short of the glory of God." So I think, for some of us, we are living in the tension between religion and faith. Religion looks over our shoulder and says, “Oh my God, what have I done”. Grace looks forward with faith, hope, and love and says, “Thy kingdom come they will be done”.

When I was teaching I was constantly telling my students, “Don’t look at the ground! Look where you want to go. Where your eyes are is where you will end up.” And it’s the same for us. Where our eyes are is where we end up. I think it’s good to acknowledge our faults, to be open about them, and to let the light cover them. Whether we are in faith's green circles or black diamonds there’s going to be something that gets us off our feet with our face in the powder.

As brothers and sisters our call is to help each-other up. To be empathetic, because we’ve been there too and probably will be there again. And to remind one another to keep our eyes up. Romans 12 16-18 and 21 16Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation. 17Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. 18If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Breaking and Entering

2011-03-30T11:39:00.019-04:00

Day 26
Breaking and entering into your uniqueness

Not long ago my friend Mark, the photo journalist, and I took a road trip across the south. I met him in Texas and we spent the week before Christmas with no real agenda other than to end up in Florida. It was one of those trips that was more about the journey than the destination.

A few miles outside of New Orleans there’s a Six Flags that was abandoned after the devastation of hurricane Katrina. Mark and I had heard about this location from a friend. The theme park has been shot by many well known photo journalists, mainly as a piece for their personal collections. We slid our car around to a side entrance that was hidden from the main road and jumped the fence.

It was like a time machine in some ways. Beyond the looting, vandalism, and water damage were snapshots of a facility that was quickly evacuated; photos of workers' families remain in upper level offices, Profit and Loss statements blowing around the grounds. I even saw a dressing room sign for my friends' band in one of the doorways; they played a show there just a few days before the storm.

Exploration. Most of us gravitate towards it in one form or another. The scientists explore protons, romantics explore each other, and the rest of us explore the Internet. We look for the next video of laughing babies or clever cats or the coolest of un-cool bands that no one's ever heard of. We have been exploring Gods creation since He created it. Discovering new lands, new Galaxy's, new sounds - humanity loves cultivating "new".

Which is how I got to the topic of self discovery. We as humans are created beings, carrying a unique deposit of God’s image. Doesn’t it make sense that we would desire to explore the creation that is “us”? Just as getting to know others is uncovering the God in them, getting to know ourselves is a way to unearth the God in us.

12 Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe. 13 Until I come, give attention to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation and teaching. 14 Do not neglect the spiritual gift within you, which was bestowed on you through prophetic utterance with the laying on of hands by the presbytery. 15 Take pains with these things; be absorbed in them, so that your progress will be evident to all. 16 Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you.

I don’t believe the encouragement to pay close attention to your self is connected to “teaching” by chance. It seems like there’s this subtle nudge to dive into who God has made you while still remaining tethered to the Word. It’s like repelling or cave diving; you wouldn’t just start your descent without being attached to someone or something at the top. Introspection can be dangerous but when the goal is uncovering who God has formed us to be, it can also be freeing.

For Mark and I the excitement wasn’t that no one had ever been to that abandoned park. It was the fact that it was a mysterious place to us. There were conceivable dangers, possible rewards, and a whole lot of unknown for us to find on our own. At first it was quite intimidating and then things started to become familiar. When we had taken our share of photos and memories we snuck back beyond the fences and set off to discover something new.

The next few posts will discuss ways to jump the fence into our own Imago Dei, become familiar with who He’s made us to be, so that our “progress may be evident to all... to ensure salvation both for [ourselves] and for those who hear [us]."

Damn That's Good

2011-03-27T22:04:00.003-04:00

and other thoughts on the image of God.

Excerpts from Emersons’ Gnothi Seauton (Know Theyself)

God dwells in thee.
It is no metaphor nor parable,
It is unknown to thousands, and to thee;
Yet there is God.

Give up to thy soul-----
Let it have its way-----
It is, I tell thee, God himself,
The selfsame One that rules the Whole,
Tho’ he speaks thro’ thee with a stifled voice,
And looks through thee, shorn of his beams.
But if thou listen to his voice,
If thou obey the royal thought,
It will grow clearer to thine ear,
More glorious to thine eye.
The clouds will burst that veil him now
And thou shalt see the Lord.

Therefore be great,
Not proud,-----too great to be proud.
There is nothing else but God
Where e'er I look
All things hasten back to him
Light is but his shadow dim.

Shall I ask wealth or power of God, who gave
An image of himself to be my soul?
As well might swilling ocean ask a wave,
Or the starred firmament a dying coal,-----
For that which is in me lives in the whole.

I have a friend who is genuinely fascinated with her own reflection. It’s not even a matter of vanity, she just gets distracted easily by mirrors. It never fails, we’re walking through the mall and she’ll linger just a little longer as we pass the more reflective windows. Though I feel like this is just a more demonstrative example of something most of us do. We love our image. Our culture is obsessed with it.

Thinks about your morning routine, think about how many things in that routine are for your actual health and longevity as a human as opposed to something that helps you get to that final check in the mirror before you start your day; so we can look ourselves in the eye and and say, “okay, let’s do this”.

How about when there’s a new baby and everyone discusses whose eyes or chin the child has.
We love our image, we love the idea that a child could hold part of that image. That in some way they could be a reflection of us. Sure some of us are obsessed with our image in the opposite way. Wishing we could be more this and have less of that but it’s an obsession none the less.

I’m not sure that this sentiment of self fascination is completely bad. I wonder if it’s not just misdirected? In Genesis we overhear this conversation that appears to be between God, the spirit, and “the word” , where God says, Let us make man in our image. So then we see Adam, made from dust, and given life through some sort of deistic nasal CPR. And this is where life begins with man kind looking into the eyes of love, with the sweet aroma of loves’ breath as the first fragrance. Love is looking back at man, and maybe there is excitement! “He’s got my eyes, and my mouth, oh! oh! and my hands! “

I mean it’s not like God hadn’t been taking a moment to appreciate everything else He’d created to “see that it was good”. So God breathes life into Adam, and Adam awakes intimately close to the face of his creator and God sees the first born of humanity and says, “this is very good”. Sometimes I wonder if the phrases we use to define God like, “God is good” and “God is love” don’t get lost a little. God IS Love, love doesn’t define God, God defines love...What is love? Love IS “GOD”. I think we mix it up sometimes and so when God does something that doesn’t align with our understanding of love we assume that it can’t be of God. Is it possible that Gods ways are bigger than our understanding of Love? Because allowing your only born son to be murdered brutally in front of your eyes doesn’t sound like any love I would be apart of. Not until you zoom out over 10 thousand or so years of human history in need of a dynamic act of compassion and see that Love sent it’s very essence wrapped in humanity to radically repair the damage done when the first of humanity allowed the scent of love to leave his breath and be replaced by the scent of lust. The subtle perversion that severed our intimacy with Love itself.
Maybe “this is very good” could be read as God saying, “this is very me” Like a parent to a child or a painter to a vibrant canvas; it’s that moment after you’ve made the best meal of your life and it’s presented in a breathtaking fashion on the table awakening all of the senses; and you sit back with your hands rested behind your head; and all you can say is, ‘damn that’s good”.

Broken vs Unwell

2011-03-26T12:28:00.001-04:00

Day 24
If you’ve ever had someone take care you when your sick, you know the tension of being so grateful, yet feeling so helpless. There’s literally nothing you can do in that moment to pay back the kindness, you can only receive it. I’ll be honest not so deep down inside, I love to be taken care of. Because for those one or two days it’s acceptable to do nothing but get better. Lot’s of naps, and juice, some tv, and maybe a little ice cream. Essentially you get to act like a six year old in the name of getting healthy.

Being unwell makes us less productive in our work, makes us a threat to others in many cases, and usually is a cause to slow down for a period of time. I see so many of the people I counsel and converse with who understand this principle in the natural but totally miss it spiritually. They are afraid to slow down, to stop serving, to put ministry on hold. Meanwhile they are un-well, their spirits are aching, and they are in need of some relief.

If you know anyone who has survived Cancer you know it’s often referred to their “battle” with cancer. Why? Because they did whatever it took to become well. When you fight that hard for wellness, you better believe it’s a battle.

There are many ways our spirit can become unwell. Sometimes it’s a soul wound from loosing someone close to you. It can be from business in ministry or family or work where we reach the point of burn out. Even the end of a serious relationship can bruise our soul. The process of two becoming one may come to a greater fulfilment in marriage but it starts much longer before that. That’s what a truly loving relationship is, it’s the process of two souls intertwining and being bound together with the third element of faith making a three strand cord.
Eccl 4

9Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. 10For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. 11Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?12And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.

So when that relationship is severed the soul is confused there is a lot damage done by the ripping apart and untying. There are lots of ways to incur damage to your spirit, to become unwell. But how then do we become well and why is that important in the first place?

Mat 19;19 “...and Love your neighbor as your self”. I want you to notice the word AS there.
The Greek word can most definitely be translated “in the same way”. Which makes since we usually love our selves with a spirit of self preservation. We, for the most part, don’t let “us” go hungry, thirsty, naked, without a place to sleep, or completely devoid of human contact. And I honestly believe that for those who God puts in our path that need help we should love on them in the same way.

That word “as” in Mat 19 can also mean “as you go” or “while you are” it’s a continuous action. I truly believe we can not love others in the healthiest ways unless we are taking care of ourselves. As we are taking care of ourselves, keeping ourselves healthy and loved than we can pour that on other people. And the source of our filling must be the love of the Father.

Neh 8;10
Nehemiah said, "Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."

It is not selfish to take care of yourself, to get well, to be healthy. If anything for those who are in Christ it’s an expression of love for those who God will use us to serve in the future.

Galations 6
...but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. 9Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. 10So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.

Let me quickly explain that there is a difference in my mind between serving out of brokenness and serving out of un-wellness. We are all broken and God is a God who loves to use the broken. We have flaws, we are not perfect, that’s His job. Sometimes we beat ourselves up to keep pushing and we end up serving out of a place that's unwell and it's not our best.
I believe God wants us to be well. and to love others as we are loved My mother describes the difference like this,
“Brokenness I think it is a willingness to be vulnerable about our struggles and pain and deficiencies; but willing to be obedient to God's leading, to continue to serve others in need. And
unwell, I feel, means that I am not walking with the Lord in heart and spirit, and if I attempt to minister, it would be in my own wisdom not Holy Spirit guided wisdom, therefore I am unwise to serve in that state.”
And I would agree and say often it is our brokenness and our transparency that is the beginning of wellness and healing for our soul and spirit.

Good Grief

2011-03-24T20:24:00.001-04:00

what death can teach us about how to live.

Day 23
I was talking with a friend who had recently lost her father. He was young and it was rather sudden. His condition declined rapidly and in ten days he was gone. We were talking about how
in those times of mourning empathy can sometimes get lost. When you’ve just lost a parent or child the story of a friends aunt or dog passing away doesn’t seem quite rateable. In my experience part of that grieving process is fighting the subtle sense of pride that comes from inside. That feeling that says, “you don’t know how I feel” or “you couldn’t possibly understand”. Because on the surface we want to be alone. But why? Why do we push away the loving consolation in trade for our solace? I believe it’s rejection.

Loss, is a club that many people are a part of but no one wants to be in. And it’s very hard to relate to those who are in it, if you haven’t been there. Loss leaves deep impressions. It’s like pushing your hand into one of those memory foam mattress’. It takes time to decompress. And that pressure often causes us to impose our hurt feelings on other people. We become less trusting because someone or someones along the way abandoned us at a time that was “inconvenient”.

I first experienced death in a very real way in first grade. My cousin was accidentally ran over in his grandfathers driveway and he did not survive the impact. He was only a few years younger than me. I didn’t fully understand but I saw the pain that hit my family and the way it eventually destroyed his. When I was 12 my grandmother lost a battle with cancer, this time the pain was more personal because for the 11 months preceding her death most of the family my mom and myself included, were by her side. We tried every possible option natural and otherwise, but there was no reversing it. The deepest impression of grief on my soul came just a few weeks before my senior class trip. It was a Wednesday, I would usually stay at my friend Chris’ house on Wednesday nights so we could go to church together. I had just gotten my license and my parents didn’t really love me driving on the NH roads late at night. About an hour before church I got a call from my mom begging me to come home. We fought for a while and then I got in the car and made the 30 min drive back to my house. Her face was flush and my immediate thought was, “who died?”. She stood there with my Step Dad, they were holding eachother and she said, “honey, I’m so sorry, Rodney is dead.” “He had a heart attack just a few hours ago.” Rodney was my moms ex-husband, a man who in no un-certain terms was my Dad. He was my godfather, and he and his wife were ironically enough two of my parents best friends. Rod was the reason I started playing music, the one who helped me design my first website, the man I talked to about all my girl troubles, he even taught me how to pirate music.

I remember running into my room and looking at the gun in my closet, it was a little bolt action 22, but I was feeling so much pain I didn’t know what to do with myself. Thankfully I didn’t do anything harmful to me or anyone else, at least not in the physical sense. Instead I put on my strong face. I tried to be the soldier for my parents and everyone else. I locked down my emotions, I made it through the class trip, and a few weeks later a soldiered through graduation, I even made it through my first semester at college. My second semester however, I was at a prayer meeting on campus and for some reason no-one showed up except me and Mike. Mike and I had been in a band together in NH and he kind of followed me / I talked him into coming to school with me so we could be rockstars.

MIke knew something was wrong and that night he pushed my buttons, and he kept pushing them, bringing up a past I wasn’t ready to face, pouring salt into wounds that had been covered up but not healed. He kept digging in, making me talk about it, about Rod, about how mich I loved him and how mich I missed him and what he meant to me. Mike wouldn’t let up, I was angry at God and mike knew it and he wouldn’t let me go until I got honest. And I got honest, I yelled, I swore, and finally I cried, for the first time since that moment I shared with my 22 I cried. So hard in fact I passed out for a few minuets. And though opening up and breaking down didn’t make it all better it started the healing process. I process I could not have done on my own.

The truth is we all grieve at some point, and we all hear these words, “If there’s anything I can do...”. They sound so hollow and so empty at the time, but they also mean everything.
Love believes all things, hopes the best, keeps no record of hurt or wrong. So when you lose someone you love, is it possible to not hold it against them? To love them in their absence. More importantly is it possible to not force the pain and rejection we feel, the abandonment, the longing, on those who are trying to be there for us. Just because one person leaves me, hurts me, let’s me down, doesn’t mean everyone in my life is out to get me. It just means I’m wounded.

It’s okay to be wounded. we just can’t live there.
Romans 12
10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; 11not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer,13contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality.
14Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. 16Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation.

Mike didn’t just make me grieve, he grieved with me. He climbed deep into my story and so even though he had never experienced loss in the same way that I had, his empathy was real and sweet and freeing. I had to be willing to let him in sure, but he had to be willing to come in the first place. Being family, together, as believers, is hard. It’s messy and frustrating and sometimes hurtful. But it’s also beautiful and redeeming. Follow the voice of the holy spirit and if you are lead to come along side someone, even if it’s tough, do it. If I have no arms I can not hug, with no feet I can not walk beside you, If I have no mouth than I have no comforting words to say...with this in mind how much more important is it for us to be the “body” of Christ. To be a hug to the hurting, to walk beside the broken, and to speak life to the lost and dying. Amen.

New And Improved and other myths of happiness

2011-03-24T02:02:00.000-04:00

Day 22
A while back I was going through the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace course. One of the lessons was about communicating with your spouse. He was communicating that in most relationships there are two personalities represented. One is the free spirit and the other is the nerd. Financially speaking the tight wad hoarder and the care free spender. And sometimes I feel like this is how we approach God and His Love. We think God’s love is free and open and hippie dippy or we think he should be revered, holy, and solemn. And it’s this differentiation that entire doctrines, dogmas, and denominations are built upon.

If there are two words we love in the west it’s “new” and “improved”. Not as much in recent years, but before the economies substantial downturn we loved all things bigger and better. Houses, SUV’s, Value Meals, we were all about the upgrade. One of the things Nashville is known for is it’s large selection of churches. Which creates what some call the “consumer” Christian. Someone who kind moves from church to church taking it its goodness until he or she finds a reason to become board or disenfranchised and moves on.

But isn’t this somewhat of a common thread through out church history over the last 200 years or so? There is a specific move of God or a unique encounter with the Holy Spirit for a particular people in an appointed place. It’s a beautiful anointed experience and then next thing you know there’s a book on the shelf with seven easy steps to get God to perform the same way again. So one pastor in England feels called to fast and pray for 30 days and documents his story and his encounters with God and then a small revival breaks out in his village. Our tendency is to look at that and say, “okay if I pray and fast for exactly 30 days, and pray like that pastor prayed, then God will send revival to my neighborhood too.

We make God a math equation. It’s like some sort of divine word problem where the end result is...THIS is how we do church now! Which is a very different conversation than, “this is how we do church NOW”. One assumes the past is obsolete and pushes toward new as the greater good. The other understands that while the fundamental truths of the faith are non-negotiable many of the systems and process are only for a season. It’s strange how with each revelation of grace we quickly turn God’s goodness into a system. We trade one form of slavery for another.
What was once “We MUST go to church on Sunday night because it’s part of keeping the Sabbath Holy” was Traded for “We value family so we don’t meet on Sunday night but members MUST go to a small group meeting once a week”. We trade hymns for “contemporary” worship songs. We trade wine for grape juice, stained glass for fog machines and pulpits for wireless headset microphones.

None of that stuff is necessarily bad until you start to despise the older and revere the newer as “better”. As with so many things in the Christian faith we trade relationship for a system. We’re taught that the reason we don’t cheat on our spouse is because it’s “BAD” and Christians shouldn't do bad things. I don’t stay faithful because it’s bad not to, I stay faithful because it’s unloving not to. Because cheating on my spouse breaks my intimacy and trust and relationship.
I don’t take the Lord’s name in vain because it doesn’t show love for someone I genuinely care about NOT because it’s bad. The same goes for many of our traditions.

As a worship leader I use contemporary songs the majority of the time because that’s what the people I”m serving connect to God the best through. However, there are times when singing a more traditional hymn is just right. It touches a place that the spirit is trying to move at that moment and thus it becomes “better” than something new. It’s honestly not about what is or is not “better” in the broad sense. Only what is good and right and true in that moment.

Please do not confuse this for wishy wash beliefs. God never changes. His truth is consistent. His love endures forever. The way experience God as a community of believers however, is an ever evolving process. For many years I felt uncomfortable when someone would recite the Lords prayer or the Apostles Creed. Why? Because I was raised in a culture that had moved out of religious and nominal Catholicism. The verse that was often quoted was, “speak not in vein repetition”... For us at the time the logical application was to cease all prayers and recitations for fear of being involved in these vein repetitions. The problem with that stream of thought is the key word in that verse is vein NOT repetition.

Many of the traditions we have set aside in our attempts to be “relevant” are rooted somewhere deep in the history of the church, and are not vein at all, but rather quite special. I’m not saying we should all go out and put stained glass in our meeting centers. I’m just saying before you discard something as passe’ look at the history. Take a little time to know how we got to where we are now. You might be surprised just how deep some of those roots go.

We’ve done a good job of keeping Jesus famous. We’ve traded cathedrals for megaplex facilities and bell towers for 80 ft. crosses on the side of the interstate. And all along the way someone has thought …”this is the best way to honor God”. I don’t know what the best way to make Jesus famous is. But I do have some thoughts on what He should be famous for. And it’s not a building, a ceremony, a music style, or a best selling book. If we seek to know and share God as the center of a true and honest relationship and fight the urge to make a system of ever changing new normals I truly believe something special will come of it.

What's in A name

2011-03-21T12:04:00.000-04:00

Taking the family name for better or worse.
day 21
Over the last few years the term “Christian” has gone through some intense scrutiny. Many well intentioned believers have become hesitant to use that term because of all the baggage that is attached to it. At which point we developed all sorts of colloquial spiritual euphemisms as a substitute. When asked about our beliefs we answer with things like, I”m spiritual but not religious or I’m not a christian so much as I am a follower of Christ.

Isn’t it amazing how much power is in a name? A couple of words that come fully loaded with 2000 years of history for better or worse, from Crusades, church governments, revivals, and renewals to protests, outreaches, amazing music, not so amazing music and so on. It’s all there in this one word. Christian. Some of it’s embarrassing, hurtful, and destructive. Some of it is beautiful, redemptive, and compassionate.

My Mom got re-married to my step dad when I was five or so. I remember not totally loving the idea of their marriage at first. In fact I think I said something to the effect of, Why are going to have a wedding with him can’t you just marry me?”. Thankfully she declined my offer. Ten years later, when it was time to start thinking about getting my license and work papers I asked my parents an odd question. I asked if I could change my name. Legally I still carried my mothers maiden name. I had been sort of using my step-dads last name casually for years but the State is not cool with such in-formalities. I didn’t want to be the only one in our little family with a different last name. So we went to the courthouse, filled out the paper-work and presented our case. The judge granted the request and my “new” name became official.

I carry that name proudly. When I started my Advertising Company in 2007 I used my last name as part of the company title. But the Morris family doesn’t exactly have a spotless record. Our family history is full of alcohol and drug abuse, sexual misconduct, anger, abandonment and that’s just in the last two generations. Lord knows what kind of skeletons lie in the closets of the Morris clan 1200 years ago in Scotland. At 15 though, I wasn’t concerned with any such sentiment. All I knew was I loved my family and wanted to share their name.

And maybe that’s what the name Christian is. Maybe it’s less about an ideology and more about taking a family name. I mean, there are numerous references in scripture to us being the family of God and Jesus teaches us to pray “our Father”. And if it is a family name, doesn’t that mean we have an opportunity to do it justice, to carry it with pride, and try to bring just a little restoration? The truth is even will all of the horrible things that have been done in the name of Christianity there have been some beautiful ones as well. Those are the stories that need to be told, lived, and written. As believers we have a unique opportunity to re-define what Christianity means in our family, neighborhood, and spheres of influence.

Is it possible that Christianity doesn’t have to be shaped by Jesus fish and WWJD bumper stickers? Can we be known for more than having our own t-shirts and music? Is there a chance for us to show the world what we are about and not what we are against? We chose to be in this family for a reason. I hope that reason was as a response to a Loving God and not to attain some sort of fire insurance. The early church was known for it’s generosity, for how it took care of the orphans, widows, and needy. That’s how the gospel was spread, people experienced the good news, they didn’t just hear about it. Community is not sharing MY life with YOU, or YOUR life with ME, It's sharing HIS life with EACHOTHER.

Bouncers and Bad Publicity

2011-03-18T14:52:00.002-04:00

Day 20
God's image as our compulsion to love

it's a constant process. So many people they can't "see" God and so God gets mixed in with religion and it all becomes part of this whole cultural exhistance. The truth is we can "see" God if we are looking through the lense of the Holy Spirit...I can see Him in you, In the face of the poor and hungary, In the kindness of strangers, even in nature or unbelievers because they all carry traces of the Image of God

Jesus is moments from taking his last breath. Hanging on the cross, totally mutilated, exhausted, and surrounded by the darkness that had fallen at mid-day. Then Jesus asks a simple question of His Father. “Where are you, why have you abandoned me?”( Matthew 27) And the word abandoned is rooted in this imagery of being made an outcast. An outcast from what? It seems to be, from the intimate presence of God. Much like Adam and Eve after their sin, when God removed them from the garden. Their interaction with God changed. And it was sin that caused Jesus’ interaction with God to change at that moment, our sin, the sin of humanity. It seems Jesus was abandoned for a moment so that we could have acceptance forever.

I’ve never met anyone who was happy to be stood up, or excited to be left at the altar. It’s a horrible feeling and it quickly changes the way we perceive the world around us. In my early twenties I spent many of my weekends hanging out at bars and clubs, the swanky ones with the pulsing sub-woofers and drinks served from real glasses and a dress code. There was always a bouncer, that single solitary figure standing between you and what you only hoped would be the best night of your life, since last weekend. And most nights getting in was no big deal, flash the ID, get the glow in the dark stamp, and be about your business. But every once in a while something would go a little askew. The cover would be astronomical, or my over-priced pre-ripped jeans wouldn’t be acceptable for the dress code, or occasionally there would be a bouncer who just straight up didn’t believe the guy on my license was me. Let’s be honest I was insecure enough as it was, so being rejected but what I could only assume was either A. an ex Conn or B. a police academy reject, made me pretty upset. It would start with, “ I deserve to get in. It’s my right, and would wind up somewhere around, This club sucks any way, that guy’s a moron, I’m out of here.

And that’s how it goes. One min we’re waiting in line with great anticipation of something great, the next min. we’re considering putting a call in to the health inspector to “report some rats.” Because not only are we never going to that club again; We are going to do everything in our power to make sure none of our friends, family, or social network, go either.And isn't that how we as Believers act sometimes. We act as some sort of pseudo-spiritual bouncer for the kingdom. It's a whosever will may come with an "as long as" clause. Whether it be corporately or individually we make these little judgment calls on who is and who is not a good candidate for community and ultimately grace. WIth that rejection comes the repercussions. The Church has found so much of it's identity in what it's against that we miss out on the opportunity to show people what we are for.

Why is rejection so hard for us? God in his very nature is an eternally relational being. Genesis points out the when man was created God said, “let us make man in our image”. It would seem the dialogue is happening between God the Father, God the Spirit, and God the Word. Which isn’t quite as strange as it sounds. Don’t we do this all the time. Twelve o’clock rolls around and your body gets hungry, and your emotions say I want a steak, and your mind reminds you that you can’t afford steak, and this internal dialogue between your brain, your emotions, and your physical need starts to happen until a decision is made. We are a less complex, assimilation of a God who is both personal and expansive. We are created in the image of that eternally relational being and thus it would seem rejection is contrary to the very foundation of our creation.

The longer I am a believer the more I really question if the Great Commandment and the ten commandments and the Levitical law and the letters of Paul that we have made such cemented Dogmas around are not more descriptive than prescriptive. I completely take II Timothy 3:16 at face value. I hold fast that the Word of God is true. But also try to be very clear that I worship The God of The Bible NOT the Bible itself. I really think much of that stuff was written as a survival guide and a love letter. Some of it was very culture specific for a people and a time and most of it is transcendent, good, applicable stuff. Love God & Love Others seems pretty relational to me, coming from a God who designed us in His image. A God that takes up titles like husband and father, a God who asks us to pray for his Kingdom to come, so that the space between Heaven and earth can close in just a little bit more each day.

We can "see" God if we are looking at each other through the lens of the Holy Spirit...I can see Him in you, In the faces of the poor and hungry, In the kindness of strangers, even in nature and those who are not yet saved, Because all of creation carries these traces of the Image of God. When we reject them we reject him. We love because HE first loved us. He Gave us the first fruits, the top quality selection, of His love. As we recieve that love we begin to see humanity as Image Carriers. We place value you on our believing brothers and sisters, we gain a compassion for the broken and the hurting, we tap into a desire to communicate with those who are not relationally engaged with God the Father to hear their story, share our own, and pray that the power of the gospel compels their soul to light up and walk out it’s deepest destiny. To know and be known. Love Others.

A quick note on love

2011-03-17T18:25:00.001-04:00

Here are some lyrics from a song I've been working on with my friend Julia.

Wait - why’d you look at me that way?
You took my breathe w/ just one phrase
Then disappeared like yesterdays
I didn’t know I felt this way

For you now
Something has changed
And I never saw it coming
but you got my heart running in spades
I know that it’s no game

Lovers and friends
Lovers and friends
And you break up my day
You change all my plans

Lovers and friends
Lovers and friends
Sketching out hearts
With our toes in the sand
(Trading a walk in the park for a dance)
I’m so in love...

I love our Saturday’s
Coffee and a matinee
The sweet nothings that you say
They mean everything to me

Take my hand
We’ll drive the city home
I never will regret
having given you the best of my heart
Cause I know it’s just the start
Lovers and friends

Your kiss is like a roller coaster, your touch is like a movie scene
Baby come a little bit closer, you got me on the edge of my seat

Love Letters from Mt Sinai PART 2

2011-03-15T01:16:00.002-04:00

Imagine if you were planning a trip to Uganda and had never visited Africa before. How grateful would you be for a letter written by a local or someone who had lived there for an extended period of time, a letter with advice on what was safe to eat, what plants to stay away from and how to interact with the natives. Maybe we should look at the law less like a rule book and more like a survival guide. What about the Ten Commandments? Well let’s look at what Jesus says about the Law.

The Fulfillment of the Law
17“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. 19Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. 20For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.
Murder
21“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder,a and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.
23“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.
25“Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. 26I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.
Adultery
27“You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’e 28But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
Divorce
31“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’f 32But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Oaths
33“Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.’ 34But I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; 35or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. 36And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. 37Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.
An Eye for an Eye
38“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ 39But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.40And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. 41If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. 42Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
Love for Enemies
43“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

or maybe more simply stated in Matthew 22

34But when the Pharisees heard that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered themselves together. 35One of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, 36“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37And He said to him, “ ‘YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.’ 38“This is the great and foremost commandment. 39“The second is like it, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ 40“On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.”

And it seems like that’s all the law ever was. It’s relational. Look at the tend commandments, it’s like God was giving the children of Israel some practical advice on how to maintain good community. Like He was saying, “If you love me you will hang out with me once a week, you will keep me as the most important priority in your life, you will only use my name in high regard.” and “If you love each other you will take care of each-other, you’ll encourage each-other to be thankful for what you have, you’ll hold life to a high esteem. Maybe these commandments were more descriptive than prescriptive and all Jesus was doing by saying, I’m not abolishing the law but fulfilling it, was hitting a reset button.

The leaders of the Hebrew faith had almost 400 years between the close of the old testament and the birth of Jesus to “interpret” the law. And by interpret I mean they turned it into a non-relational, religious, who measures up and who doesn’t systemic approach to holiness.
Jesus was kind of saying, “Hey guys, listen, remember in the beginning when it was relational and love centered? Yeah, I’m here to bring it back to that. No more killing animals, no more priests or holy of hollies, it’s me.” Before we can sit on our high horse and point fingers at the Pharisees for “missing the point” we have to admit that we do the same thing. Let’s be honest it’s really hard to accept the grace that doesn’t come with strings and it’s really hard to believe that “obeying” the law could be so simple. Simple but not easy.

Love Letters from Mt Sinai

2011-03-15T01:12:00.003-04:00

DAY 18
God Law Filled Love Letter

My friend Dan is a youth pastor. Dan was telling the kids about about Jesus feeding the multitude with the loaves and the fish. He was making a correlation between Jesus’ miracle and and the way God can do powerful and crazy things in our lives. Dan asked the kids to think of some examples of things they could pray for, areas they were hoping God would do something amazing. My favorite party of the story was the response of one of Dan’s Ninth Graders. Charleigh raised her hand and simply replied, “Jesus multiplied the loaves in the fish?, Like out of thin air?, Like some kind of magic trick?”.

I think what Charleigh was articulating was a sentiment that resonates with many of us. Sometimes we’re so busy digging out the deeper truths that we miss the beautiful STORY of the Gospel. I believe both approaches are valuable, but what seems to happen is that many believers spend years under life application teaching and miss out on the power of the larger narrative. I know for me as a teacher there is a constant tension to find that balance. It’s a tension that Jesus walked through so beautifully, referencing the Hebrew Scriptures, using parables, and making bold direct points.

Recently I was talking with a friend of mine, who is an assistant at the Sister church of the ministry I work with. She and I were discussing some different spiritual topics and the subject of “The Law” came up. What is the law, and why are we so afraid of if? Sometimes in an attempt to simplify things our theology gets diluted down to speaking points and Jesus covered catch phrases. Which is where we get ideas like, “I live by the spirit of the law, not the letter of the law.” or “I’m a son I’m not a slave” , or even “We’re not under the law anymore, I live by grace”. None of which are necessarily bad statements. In fact they are amazingly powerful, beautifully rich statements when you know the 4000 years of history associated with them.

What is the Law? Imagine a nation that has spent 400 years in slavery. Uneducated, worked to the bone, and unfamiliar with anything other than the culture of their captures. This is where we find Israel as Moses leads them out of Egypt. Leveticus is a book often overlooked because it’s full of awkward and sometimes disgusting lists of things to stay away from. But the Levitical law wasn’t Gods way of taking people out of one form of slavery and placing them in another. It was a love letter to an otherwise ignorant group newly freed Hebrews. A way to protect the people that He cared so much about. (TO BE CONT>>>)

Forever Yours

2011-03-14T01:38:00.002-04:00

A song that's hitting me today.

If my heart is overwhelmed and I cannot hear Your voice
I’ll hold on to what is true though I cannot see
If the storms of live they come and the road ahead gets steep
I will lift these hands in faith I will believe

Pre chorus:
I remind myself of all that You’ve done
And the life I have because Your Son

Chorus:
Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours I am forever Yours
Mountain high or valley low
I sing out remind my soul
I am Yours I am forever Yours

When my heart is filled with hope and every promise comes my way
When I feel Your hands of grace rest upon me
Staying desperate for You God, Staying humbled at Your feet
I will lift these hands and praise I will believe

Dyslexic Worship...and Bad Band Names

2011-03-12T13:32:00.000-05:00

Day 17
God as the receiver of our worship

The piano lessons started for me when I was in first grade. I hated them. I was much more interested in watching x-men or spiderman cartoons on Saturday than I was in learning how to play Mary Had a Little Lamb. This was in the early 90’s so there was no such thing as DVR or Tivo. But at seven years old I did figure out how to program the VCR. Beyond it’s interference with my cartoon routine, I just didn’t like it. I didn’t wan to learn the songs, I was much more interested in writing my own. Now don’t misunderstand me when I say write my own I mean, taking the four notes i knew went together and putting them in a different order.
I did the same things with Legos, didn’t matter what the instructions said I was building my own thing.

This was before the pandemic of ADD the only label the “system” had for me was dyslexia. The thought was that I couldn't’t focus because I couldn’t read. All that is to say, I suffered through piano lessons for almost four years before completely giving it up. Almost six years later I started writing poetry for an English assignment. Not only did I enjoy it, but I was actually good at it. Good enough that I started writing the poetry assignments for my classmates. I’m still not sure how the teacher didn’t catch dozens of poorly spelled well rhymed lines of iambic pentameter. It was this passion for writing that lead me back to music. I found that my poems started to come with melodies. Not necessarily good melodies but none the less. Eventually I started playing songs at church, our church at the time was a hymns only, drums are of the devil kind of church.

By senior year I had put together the stereo typical high school garage band. We called our selves “Barabbas” and had songs with names like “Blood Washed Stain”. We were going to be the next Jars, or Third Day. Oh, if only future me could talk some sense into high school me. I’ll never forget the first time we were asked to “Lead Worship”. The church was about an hour south and it was the bands first paid gig. We were supposed to lead worship for the morning service and congregation of maybe 75 and then do a coffee shop outreach gig in the evening. The problem was I didn’t even know what “worship” was and I certainly didn’t know any worship songs.

This also happened to be the time in history for Christian Music when every artist and their cousin were putting out a “worship” record. I picked up a couple albums from the book store, selected some songs at random and we learned them for our big show. Looking back on it now, it was certainly a train wreck. We sang the songs wrong, they had nothing to do with the message, and I’m not even convinced our guitars were completely in tune. Must have been my dyslexia.

It took me a long time to realize that worshiping God and worship music are not mutually exclusive. The very first time I lead worship for my church in New York one of the elders pulled me aside after the service and said, “hey that was really good, but maybe next time you could be a little less MTV and little more Jesus”. Which might sound harsh, except he hit the nail on the head, at that point it was still about the show. So, why spend so much time talking about music and worship? One reason is that I truly believe leading the community of faith into the presence of God is absolutely a call on my life and secondly to illustrate that even when we are called to do something it doesn’t happen over night. It was ten years before I was truly able to connect with God and serve others in a worship leading fashion.

Worship is not about music, just as much as my inability to do things the “right way” were not symptom of dyslexia. God is the author and finisher of our faith and if he truly is an author maybe we are simply scribes of praise, writing his truth on the hearts of the broken. Grace is God saying I LOVE YOU; and Worship is simply us replying I LOVE YOU TOO. John 4 tells us to worship in spirit and in truth. I really think John is building in this idea that our response to God is both mental and emotional. Whatever it is that we do that is connected to the heart of God and His heart for others IS worship. Whether that be singing, serving, praying, reading, or just listening; it’s all worship..

Second Timothy 2
22 Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, together with those who worship the Lord from a pure heart. 23 But refuse foolish and ignorant speculations, knowing that they produce quarrels. 24 The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, 25 with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, 26 and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.

Purple Unicorns on a Rainy Day

2011-03-11T22:16:00.001-05:00

God as Our Strength to Serve
Day 16
If you have never wrestled with depression, it doesn’t really make sense to you. Imagine the feeling you get on a rainy day, you know that groggy, tired down deep feeling that sweeps over your body around two in the afternoon when it’s been raining all morning. Sometimes it only lasts a min. and then is gone as quick as it came. Well imagine how you would feel if you couldn’t shake it. What if lasted hours, weeks, years? That’s kind of what depression feels like.

When you feel that way, all the verses and encouragement and self help books on the shelf don’t seem to do much more than make you feel bad for feeling bad. Now I’ve never been diagnosed with clinical depression, never asked the doctor for drugs, I did try to self medicate myself with a silver can or a glass bottle a few times but it didn’t do much good. That being said, there are still days I don’t want to acknowledge the rising sun. Days where a shower is the highlight of my productivity between naps. Days when the love of God is is about as tangible as a purple unicorn.

The truth is every-ones struggles are different. But at some point I realized my wars with the me-monster were rooted in unproductive introspection and down-right selfishness. But my problem isn’t knowing that I have a problem. My problem is you can’t argue away a rainy day. You have two options, 1. get an umbrella and face the rain or 2. find away to get above the weather. It’s always sunny above the clouds, if you fly high enough.

Isaiah 40
28 Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is inscrutable.
29 He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
30 Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
31 Yet those who wait for the LORD
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.

And what are we supposed to do with that strength?

1 Peter 4
8Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins. 9Be hospitable to one another without complaint. 10As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.11Whoever speaks, is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.

We are supposed to serve one another.
I am in no way claiming to have the answer to all depression. I fully acknowledge that there are those who live with legitimate chemical imbalances. But I would be lying if I said there’s not something beautiful in this idea of finding my strength and rest in a God whose yolk is easy and whose burden is light. It would be dishonest of me to say that I don’t believe the truest form of victory over the “rainy day” is to love and serve others.

If you want to see God do something amazing, need Him. The only way to see the light at the end, is to enter the tunnel and face the darkness. I’m just glad our God is a God of light, and that WE are the light of the world. If we can get over ourselves, be honest, and work together as the body of Christ we will shine and radiate and the darkness will hide.

1John 1
5 This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. 6 If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; 7 but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another...

The Difference between Sons & Orphans

2011-03-11T01:23:00.001-05:00

Day 15
When I moved to New York to start my ministry training I was invited by the Brown family to come stay with them. When I say family, I’m not talking about 2.7 kids and a dog, no, sub the dog for another 4.3 kids. Abbi, Wesley, Anna, Haddon, Hudson, Baxter, and Ester, for those keeping score that’s seven children. Seven is a big number when you come from being an only child for most of your life. Things work differently in a big family. The older one’s help the younger one’s, every one has different jobs, and if there’s not some sense of working together the whole thing turns to chaos.

Which is kind of what Paul says about the church. We all have different roles, but we are part of the same body. We all cary the same “family name”. There’s also an encouragement for us to aid one another in growth. We have a fancy word for it, it’s called discipleship. If you break it down it’s not more than the older ciblings helping out the younger ciblings, so the whole family works toward a common goal.

There are always disagreements and disputes and times where things are not as smooth as we’d like. But most of the time, for most of us, giving up on our family is not an option. It’s not like a social networking site where we just click a button and the relationship goes away. It’s work, but so much can happen when it starts to pull together.

I was at a conference and I heard this teaching on “sonship” vs. “the orphan” and What the speaker defined as “orphaning out” were, “areas that we are not allowing the presence of God to fill in our lives”... And it’s not like you are one or the other. “I wish it was something I could just pray off you” the speaker said, “but it’s not it’s something He needs to do in you”.

The notes from the talk look something like this.

http://www.lifeway.org/download/Characteristics_SonOrphan.pdf

gossip dipped in prayer and other ways we miss out.

2011-03-09T19:37:00.003-05:00

Day 14
Family Values (part 1 of 2)
Us as Sons and Daughters of God

Will and his wife Sandy were part of my small group before I joined. Will fixed computers and Sandy was a teacher. The two of them with their beautiful daughter made a pretty ideal family. Will and Sandy had insightful things to say during our discussions, were good about bringing snacks, and even hosted our meetings a few times when our usual spot was unavailable. One night my phone buzzed with a text message that said, “please pray for Will he’s been in a wreck”. So our small group sprang into action, one went to look after their daughter, others made some meals, and a few more went to the hospital.

Thankfully only Wills vehicle and the tree he played chicken with were hurt. That was the good news. The report came back that Will was quite intoxicated at the time. Luckily he didn’t even make it to the end of his block before crashing his car. None of us, not even Sandy new that will was fighting a prescription drug and alcohol battle. It was a shock, yes, but more importantly it was an opportunity to love.

Which is exactly what happened. The meals didn’t stop, nor the help with child care. If anything the outpouring increased. The next time Will and Sandy were able to come for small group our facilitator did something totally unexpected. He simply said, “I’d like everyone in the room to go around and say one thing about or reason you love Will. So we did. The group said some of the most encouraging things you could imagine. Not the least of which came from his wife. She valued him, appreciated him, and didn’t rip him to shreds, which no-one wold have faulted her for. It was a beautiful outpouring of grace in such a practical way.

Did Will’s problems disappear? No. Nor did his circumstances change overnight. There were repercussions to his actions, a reaping of the broken decisions he sowed. But for us, that day, we were simply called to love him. This, for many of us, helped build trust in the group, and started an openness in communication of our struggles and failures. And it’s that honesty that helps us on our road to freedom.

When Jesus teaches us how to pray in Matthew, He stars the prayer with two words “Our Father”. The Son of the Living God is showing us how to do the one thing he spent most of his life doing, talking to God. How many times do we see Jesus disapearing off to some hill to pray? I mean John 5;19 says,
“Therefore Jesus answered and was saying to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, unless it is something He sees the Father doing; for whatever the Father does, these things the Son also does in like manner.”
Which means every move Jesus made was in prayer and surrender. So if anyone is going to teach us “how” to pray it’s Jesus right?!

Okay so, “our Father”. Pretty specific, and very obvious that 1. It’s not about ME it’s about US and 2. We are a family. He didn’t say “My Father” he said OUR father. I feel like much of the church has spent so much time teaching about “the personal relationship with Jesus Christ” That we’ve missed out on the depth, healing, and power that can come from community driven believer-hood. The reason so many men, myself included, have had such a struggle with pornography is because their afraid to talk about it. We spend years trying to soldier through it on our own. And the enemy continues to try to make us feel like no one else struggles like we do. And this is not just with sexual related sins. It’s everything. I don’t even think it’s so much about trying to keep up appearances, though sometimes that is the case and that is it’s own pride issue. But I honestly believe many of us are not taught what it means to live in community and we are afraid to because of things like “Prayer Chain covered Gossip”. You know what I mean where we cover up our gossip of Jenny and Davids affair, with nice words like, “so if you could just pray for them” and Lord bless em’.

Seriously?! No wonder people are afraid to be honest. We all have the same Father, a father who does not keep a record of wrong. What keeps you from keeping no record of wrong? What do we gain from not embracing each-other. Hear me when I say there is a time and a place for those who are in community to call each-other higher. A place to lovingly correct ungodly behavior. I’m not saying we just turn a blind eye and act like ignorant dopes. But I am saying that unless we start building some trust, and some family values with one another and get over this, “I’m the only one on the road” mentality we are seriously missing out on what God has for US.
Galatians 6
9Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the FAMILY of believers.

Boring Call & The Amazing Response

2011-03-08T17:13:00.002-05:00

God as our "life goal"

The very first time I came to visit Nashville was for a fundraiser. I was a college pastor at the time and one of the girls on our ministry team invited a few of us to accompany her to a benefit ball her friend was throwing. At the time I was still thinking that my future was as a recording artist and I planned on doing some ceasing some networking opportunities. The event was about as fun as I expected. Dancing, live music, horderves and so on. I was introduced to Phillip who is the manager for a few notable Gospel acts. But Philip is not the kind of guy you can scmoose. He’s just a normal guy from Indiana with a heart for the nation of Haiti.

Philip brought this passion to Darren. Darren used to lead a young adults ministry and was also a music industry guy. The passion grew into a mission and the mission into a bible study. Before long a group of penniless 20 somethings were making a substantial difference in Jacmel Haiti. They met once a week to study the word and decided early on that any money that came in would go directly to the people of Jamel. So all of the sudden, these musicians and singles we’re giving to something way beyond the scope of “normal” and it was adding up fast. To the tune of thousands of dollars.

That Bible study is now a church. A church that takes half a dozen trips or more to that little town in Haiti. A church that has given 100’s of thousands of dollars to begin changing a nation. It’s not a very large church less than 200 people and many of them or still penniless 20 somethings, only now they have spouses and families. It’s an incredibly boring story with incredibly exciting results. There was no big fanfare, no celebrity endorsements, no overnight mega church. Just a small group of people listening to the voice of God, being obedient, and changing the world one village at a time.

So much so that when the tragic earth quake hit in 2010 this church was there almost immediately. They had been there serving for three or four years prior and so those more intimately involved were able to use that familiarity to make things happen, dynamic things. This is what happens when we obey the voice of God, and do it for no other reason than because we love Him. And His heart is to love others and so as believers we start seeking to do the will and heart of God and it constantly brings us into the face of loving others.

When God breathed life into Adam, scripture says He literally blew into Adam’s nostrils. He you can’t do that unless you are intimately close. A pastor friend of mine put it this way, “It seems like God gets right down in the sand and blows into the nose of man, and so the very first thing man sees are the eyes of God. Man awakens to life staring in the face of Love.” And that is the gospel; awakening man to a new life that starts by being face to face with Love. Community is not sharing MY life with YOU, or YOUR life with ME, It's sharing HIS life with EACHOTHER.

My friend Ryan started this thing called “People Loving Nashville”. A few years ago PLN was a couple of friends making a few meals and feeding a handful of people. The last time I visited Ryan they had 30 or 40 volunteers serving 130 or so meals. And they were clothing people with a storage locker full of clothes, they were even in the early stages of rounding out their Gospel call by setting up times to visit the imprisoned and the widows. Ryan didn’t wake up with some huge vision of grandeur. He simply answered a simple call to love his neighbor.
Following God is simple it’s just not easy. But I truly believe as we allow Him to truly love us in all the wounded, broken, hurting places of our heart our souls will be restored and renewed and the desire to serve others will grow.

PHILLIPIANS 2
1 Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, 2 make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. 3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. 5 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus,

Red Bull; Flavored Jesus

2011-03-07T14:59:00.001-05:00

God as branded by us
Day 12
I started working at Loon Mountain in the late 90’s first as a children's ski instructor and then as snowboarding coach. I’d work couple days a week in exchange for some extra cash and a season pass. Right around this time in history the U.S. was introduced to a new product in a tall, slim, shiny blue can. I’ll be honest, the only reason I started drinking Red Bull was because there were attractive girls, who were wearing not nearly enough clothes to be running around a ski mountain, handing the stuff out for free. I thought it tasted crushed up sweet tarts blended in a can with some carbonated water. But it was free and it worked, and eventually, like any good drink, I acquired a taste for it.

I still can’t drink one of those things or eat a Nature Valley granola bar with out thinking about cold days on a ski lift in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. This no accident; marketing companies get paid millions of dollars to help companies create brand loyalty, so that we get warm fuzzies whenever we think about their product. This is something that Apple does really well. Making their customers feel like part of a special society of hip, tech savvy, consumers.

Have you ever heard the term “ambassador” for Christ? It’s usually something church people throw out when they are calling for some behavior modification. It’s often followed by a list of things that “God Hates” and believers “shouldn’t do”. And this is what Christianity has become known for; what it is that we are against and what we abstain from. I don’t know about you, but having my faith chalked up to arrogant moralism is not okay with me.

Those girls that run around handing out free cans of red bull are called brand ambassadors. They are strategically use to embody the image of the company. Young, hip, sexy, fun, and they work really hard to keep that message consistent. In marketing they call that cohesive branding and identity messaging. I’ve seen a lot of attempts by churches recently to “re-package” Jesus. They use words like relevant, and contemporary. The problem is when you try to mold Jesus to the culture as opposed to allowing Jesus to transform the heart of the culture something gets lost in translation. A songwriter friend of mine calls it the “sneaky Jesus” approach. It’s when you invite your friend to a “cool music concert” and then a pastor comes out from behind the guitar amps and tries to cram the message of the Gospel into a two min. elevator speech. And they walk out of the “7th Floor Jesus” concert feeling like they got hoodwinked while we got back to church to get our evangelism badge.

I do think our faith could use a serious image makeover. But it has to come from a real place. It has to come from people who are compelled to compassion because of the way the receive love and grace from the Father. Jesus was about His Fathers business; which involved caring for the sick, spending time with sinners, and showing culture a different kind of kingdom. Did he encourage them to live well, do make right choices, and seek after wisdom? Absolutely. But all of those things were based on our relationship with God and each-other.

1 John 4
19 We love, because He first loved us. 20 If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. 21 And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also.

That term “first love” is less about chronology and more related to the idea of first fruits which in Hebrew culture was not just the first crop of the season but the BEST of the harvest. We love because God gives us the best of His love. So feeding the hungry and clothing the naked and all the other benevolent things we do are good things but when they are rooted in God as a response to love, they can dynamically impact the lives of servant and the served. Changing the “identity” and “public opinion” of Jesus and His followers wont come from a marketing campaign or an advertising strategy. It can only happen one life at a time. You and I have the opportunity to re-define who Jesus is in our friends, family and neighbors. Maybe this love heavy spirituality will taste like chalked up sweet tarts and soda water but I promise the more you give it away freely, the more people will acquire a taste for it; because it’s real and it works.

Also Read ROMANS 12

Christ Tinted Glasses

2011-03-07T00:57:00.003-05:00

Day 11
God as deposited in others.

Have you ever had those people in your life that you kind of write off? Not in a harsh way you just sort of dismiss them as possible friend candidates. Michael was that person in my life. He showed up in a small group I was part of at the time seemingly out of nowhere. I never met him at church, bumped into him at a party, or even ran into him at Starbucks. He was just some guy, who was fifteen years my elder, and “not very cool” in my book.

You could say I wrote Michael off. That was until a few months later when I was leading a small group of my own. I was speaking on “loving the un-lovable” . It was a good message too. Well delivered and well received, and then I began thinking about Michael. I felt like God told me I should get coffee with him and listen to his story. Me and God got into a pretty heavy discussion at this point. But I knew that if I was going to preach it I had to do it. I knew that I was judging Michael on my standards of adequate and not Gods’ definition of acceptable.

The truth is we are all created with a unique deposit of God’s image, the “Imago Dei”. So when we discount someone, what we are really saying is, “I’m sorry the God in you is not good enough for me to care”. I realized that I needed to change my lenses. I mean who am I to decide who is and is not “cool”. Let’s be honest I’m not exactly The Fonz myself.

I finally swallowed my pride and called Michael. We sat down for coffee and he told me his story. It was a beautiful story, a tough story, with parts that are still unresolved, scenes that didn’t have a romanticized happy ending with a big red bow. But Michael was living through it one day at a time trusting God and it was incredible. After that we became friends, hanging out together more regularly, and though there are times when I still find Michael a little overwhelming, I love him like a brother. Why? Because God gave me the grace to see him through Christ tinted glasses.

1 John 4
10In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us.

God showed his love for us in this way that He sent his son to “get our backs”. If God can do this for us we can do this for each-other. The unique deposit of Gods’ love in me can build up and care for the unique deposit of Gods’ image in you and we can, as a community begin to change the culture of what is and isn’t accepted around us. The truth is, that while we are all created with a unique set of gifts, talents, abilities and qualities; we are all viewed as equal in the kingdom of God.

Collisions 3
10 and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created him— 11 a renewal in which there is no distinction between Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave and freeman, but Christ is all, and in all.
12 So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. 14 Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.

There will always be seemingly unlovable people in our lives. But if we are created in the image of God and the nature of God is to go after those the world leaves behind...than maybe it’s in our spirits to go after those would soon to be forgotten by society. Jesus is all about instilling value in the unlikeliest of candidates. In the kingdom, adulterers, murderers, alcoholics, and prostitutes are made heroes. The least we can do is pray that God opens our eyes to see people as he sees them. Because you can’t “love your neighbor” if you have your window boarded up, and keep a lock on the door.

One of my pastor friends is constantly reminding me that in the story of life, I AM NOT the main character. That history is HIS STORY. So if it’s not about me and it is about Him than I should be about His business. And let me tell you my Father is in one business and one business only. Loving People.

Golden Udders and Family Mantras

2011-03-06T01:40:00.001-05:00

Day 10
God the provider.

So there’s this scene in Hebrew scripture. The children of Israel have been slaves to the Egyptians for 400 years. Moses finally gets the go ahead to “let my people go” and the land is covered in locusts and smells like dead frogs and oh yeah the first born of all the Egyptian families had just been wiped off the planet. And then there’s the horses and chariots chasing the entire nation of Israel to the banks of the Red Sea. You have to wonder what’s going through their mind at this point. What kind of things are they praying? Dear God, please break the chariot wheels, kill the horses, or and get us the gahena out of here.

You know what they probably weren’t praying? “Dear God, please open up the sea, part it in the middle, let us pass through on dry land, and collapse the waters on our enemies”. I would love to hear the conversations, “Dude did you see that? That Moses guy just held up his hands and a stick and boom! … I didn’t even know that was an option!

And that’s what happens with God, when our backs against the sea and it seems like He’s lead us out of slavery and into our emanate demise, He blows the roof of our understanding of possible and does something completely amazing. Let’s fast forward a bit in the story. Moses, whose arms are probably a little tired from all of that staff holding, is walking down the mountain with a couple of stone tablets that were probably pretty heavy. His face is literally glowing from being in the presence of God. He’s making his descent, and as soon as he’s below the cloud level the first thing he sees is a bunch people dancing around a gold cow.

Sound familiar? No sooner does God do something amazing in our lives, something we didn’t even believe was possible, in way that’s so unique and creative, do we turn around and start bowing down before the golden udder. Yet Jesus when teaching the people how to pray said, “give us this day our daily bread”. Which is kind of an illusion to the manna that fell from the sky each morning while the Moses and the people were wandering around in the wilderness. The term manna literally means something like, “whatever it is” or “whatchamacallit”. Jesus after feeding the crowd with the loaves and fish was talking to one of the many who began following him. The follower was asking for another miracle and Jesus basically says, “you don’t need more bread to be multiplied or manna from heaven, I am the bread of life”.

Praying for our daily bread is kind of like saying to God, “I trust you to send a daily supply of “whatever it is” down to provide with just enough “bread of life” for me today”. I honestly think we are told to pray that way, not so we can remind God, but really to remind us. We have this saying in our family, we have many sayings in our family to be honest. But this particular one comes to mind. Whenever things get tight, and we’re trying to make it through, someone always says, “well it’s tough, but we’ll make it one day at a time.” So far we have.

Jesus is teaching the sermon on the mount and he goes through all this stuff about not worrying on tomorrow, even the lilies are clothed in glory, if God takes care of them He’ll take care of you...and so on. And then He says seek first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness and these things (food, clothing, shelter) will be added unto you. Knowing God, following God, Loving God, it’s all simple it’s just not easy. Saying we trust God and actually trusting God is like convincing a kid they love vegetables. We pinch your nose and go for it. And it's hard every time. But it’s always good for you and eventually you grow up, you mature in God and the things that were scary before aren’t so scary anymore. Sure there will always be new things that come along, but perfect love casts out all fear.

Trust with god is like trust with any other relationship. It takes time, and that’s okay. So one day at a time we get to know God more and one day at a time we learn to believe that He’s a man of his word. A man who loves us and has our best interest in mind. Even when it seems like we are leaving one miserable situation for another. Hold on. Love is patient, it believes all things, and hopes all things. Love God.

Stories of Red Sea and Commandment Exodus 14 and Exodus 20

John 6 (BREAD OF LIFE)
25When they found him on the other side of the lake, they asked him, “Rabbi, when did you get here?”
26Jesus answered, “I tell you the truth, you are looking for me, not because you saw miraculous signs but because you ate the loaves and had your fill. 27Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. On him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.”
28Then they asked him, “What must we do to do the works God requires?”
29Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.”
30So they asked him, “What miraculous sign then will you give that we may see it and believe you? What will you do? 31Our forefathers ate the manna in the desert; as it is written: ‘He gave them bread from heaven to eat.’c”
32Jesus said to them, “I tell you the truth, it is not Moses who has given you the bread from heaven, but it is my Father who gives you the true bread from heaven. 33For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.”
34“Sir,” they said, “from now on give us this bread.”
35Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. 36But as I told you, you have seen me and still you do not believe. 37All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away. 38For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me. 39And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all that he has given me, but raise them up at the last day. 40For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day.”

Matthew 6 (same chapter as Lord’s Prayer)
25“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26“Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? 27“And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? 28“And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin,29yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. 30“But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! 31“Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ 32“For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.33“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Grand Canyon Eyes

2011-03-04T20:49:00.000-05:00

Day 9
God as Majestic

A few years ago I drove from Los Angeles to Nashville with a photographer friend of mine. If your a fan of Christian music chances are you have some of her work in your home, in the form of an album cover or poster. She flew to LA to buy a Prius and asked me if I would accompany her on her voyage back to Nashville. My schedule at the time was pretty flexible and the idea of driving across the country seemed pretty romantic to me. Enhanced by the fact there was a girl in LA I was interested in spending some time with.

We took our time, we stopped in Las Vegas to hang with a buddy of mine who builds and designs magic tricks. The artistic ability of human beings to construct these architectural monstrosities was fascinating to me. I mean the “bigger and better” mentality permeates the very fabric of Vegas’ history. I’ll be honest, it’s pretty impressive. Humans are clever. Adam the trick maker showed us the “other” side of Vegas. The art galleries, the fancy wine bars, and even the local greasy diner with it’s delicious heart attack sandwiches.

Beyond the bright lights of the Vegas strip just before you get to the Hoover Dam is this great little spot in the desert where you can pull of and take in the scenery. The photographer and I took a little hike through the foot hills around Lake Meade. It was something that I can’t fully explain in words but it was one of the few moments in my life where I really “felt” God. I have not yet been to Israel but this desert space seemed like the kind of place Jesus would hang out. We continued on through the beautiful flats of New Mexico where the stars were like sequins on a jazz singer in the 80’s. That trip also held some skiing in the rocky mountains and what seemed like an eternity in the endless monotony known as Kansas. I remember remarking to my companion something like, “I’m not sure why Dorothy and Todo were in such a hurry to get back here!” .

But the high light of my trip by far was this moment we had at the Grand Canyon. We were at one of the main viewing stations and my friend cut her finger on a piece of equipment. She asked me if I had a bandage of some sort, which I being the failure of a boyscout that I am, did not. Interestingly enough the people, complete strangers, around us jumped into action, offering napkins and tape, handkerchiefs, and one much more prepared traveler even had a butterfly band-aid. I remember thinking, “You can not stand in the presence of greatness and not be compelled towards kindness.” It was like the majesty of the moment, the scenery, the sheer magnitude of this natural wonder had everyone under a “nice” spell.

I began to wonder if this isn’t how God works. I mean if you have a true, honest, and real encounter with God, don’t you leave different than when you came? Isn’t that what happened to the woman caught in adultery? Who was likely naked and smelled like sex. He didn't rebuke her he didn't even make her ask for forgiveness he just loved her, saved her life, told the Pharisees to take a long hard look at themselves before they started stoning people,and sent her home. He basically told her, “Go home, and let this moment make you different.”

As I was leaving the park another man who was walking in, said something under his breath that was truly profound to me. He said, “All of this and not an inch of it made by human hands. Could we do any better? No! we would only screw it up.” Which is exactly what happens when like the Pharisees we try to play the roll of the holy spirit instead of letting the true beauty and greatness of God be the catalyst that brings change. Grace is Gods’ to give and change is Gods’ to bring. And I’m so glad he does. Our roll is to share those revelations with each other and encourage each other to keep walking in the “light of His goodness and grace”.

John 8
4 they said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. 5 Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” 6 This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. 7 And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. 9 But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. 10 Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”]]
12 Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Campfires and war-zones

2011-03-03T13:47:00.002-05:00

Day 8
God as a Dad
A few years back I went home to visit my parents. It was summertime and my Dad and I were sitting by the fire pit in our backyard. I was the kid who graduated early, left home a few months before I turned 18, and didn’t spend much time being “home” sick. The truth is by the time I left, that place didn't feel much like home at all. But you never tell that to you parents. You come in for a visit, put on a happy face and make it through the visit.

A few months before this trip I was having coffee with a friend who had recently gone through some pretty serious group therapy. This lead him to the revelation that a lot of the struggles he was having at work and in his marriage were subconsciously tied to this idea that the only time his Dad was ever proud of him was when he was involved in ministry. He had been doing ministry for years, often not even enjoying it at all. Which lead to personal depression, friction in his marriage, and eventually getting let go from his position. Why was he holding on to this thing so tightly? Because, in his memory, the only time his dad ever said, “son I’m proud of you” was after a random ministry event 10 years earlier.

After coming to this realization my friend decided he needed to confront his dad. Not in anger, just in honesty. He drove the six or so hours to his parents house, sat down with his father, and said, “Dad, this is how I have experienced you. whether you feel like it accurately describes you or not, I just need to share with you how i feel.”.
I’d like to tell you that there was a huge revelation moment between the two men. That there was lots of crying and some amazing testimony of redemption. But that’s not the case, at least not yet. What did happen was some honest discussion. And for my friend, freedom from the lie he had been holding on to for so long. Freedom to start a new chapter with his family, to pursue new work, and freedom from the pressure and fear of disappointing his father.

So sitting by the camp fire with my Dad, I began to tell him lovingly and honestly how I felt. I told him that growing up I experienced him as someone difficult to please. I expressed my frustrations with the fact that almost every compliment seemed to be braided with a humiliating correction. I told him that I appreciated him, showing me a good work ethic, and encouraging me to work with my head and not my hands, like he had. We talked about a lot of things. Some were hard, some were laughable. At the end of the conversation there was something in our relationship that wasn’t before. Mutual Respect, I had to let go of all my judgments and he saw me now as someone who stood up for himself.

Neither of us changed necessarily but our interaction changed. I realized my father did the best he could with the examples and life experience he had. It occurred to me that maybe when the bible talks about the sins of the father being passed on four generations it’s not always as spiritual as we make it. My Dad’s father had been an abusive alcoholic, my dad was distant and work driven, I have insecurities and hopefully by the time I have kids they will be free of the effects of that particular line of garbage in our family. But I’m sure they will have other issues, things they will need grace for, things that I’ll do wrong.

Many of us can relate to God as a “father” but it’s very difficult to engage him as a “dad”. I truly believe honesty is a big step in changing that dynamic. Go ahead. Tell God how you “experience” him. Tell him what you think, and why your frustrated and why you don’t feel loved. David did, heck! even Jesus felt abandoned by God on the cross.

Would a harsh, angry, judgmental, distant, and ambiguous God send his son, into a spiritual war-zone, to be captured, tortured, and murdered, in exchange for the lives of strangers who may or may not choose to engage Him in any way? The answer is in John Chapter 3.
The Father showed his love for the world, in this way, by sending his most prized possession out of perfection and into the dirt. So that the curse of sin could be lifted and we could have a loving, perfect, relationship with Him. The work of the cross is done. Jesus was dead, buried, and resurrected. God sees us as we should be, as we will be in eternity. There is no way to impress Him, no way earn His love or respect. We already have it. It’s ours, It is our inheritance. Do we sin? Yes. Must there be repentance? Yes. I’ve spent most of my life trying to perform for God. Trying to “do” enough to make him proud of me. I’m realizing now that's not how he works. I believe "repentance" is not a reaction to MY "badness" it is a response to HIS "goodness".

1 JOHN 3
1 How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!
5 But you know that he appeared so that he might take away our sins. And in him is no sin.

Bright Futures and Blackberry Lies

2011-03-02T15:34:00.001-05:00

Day 7
"God as our Rest"

One of the lessons you learn when writing and composing music is how how the space between the notes is just as important as the notes themselves. It can be the difference between a listenable and enjoyable experience and noise. In technical terms a rest is an interval of silence.

I think most of us could use an interval of silence now and again. As a culture we’ve found a lot of ways to fill up our schedule and we have six different electronic devices to keep track of that schedule. We hot sync one and mobile upload the other. There are status updates and push notifications and I’m sure google or apple is making some sort of announcement on some life changing system as you read.

So in a world full of things designed to make our life more simple and streamlined we’ve buried ourselves under a not so sweet pile of blackberry's, blue tooth's, apples, and things starting with the letter i. It’s funny how, for so many of us, rest is something we desperately need. And yet, when the concept of God commanding us to rest comes up we cringe like He’s asking us to spend on day a week at the dentist.

Hebrews 4:
9 There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; 10 for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. 11 Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their [those who hear but do not obey the word] example of disobedience.

Rest should not be viewed as a weighty command but rather as a gift. It’s a “benefit” of being in the family. Of course you can only pause from what you are doing if you are in fact doing something. I’m not convinced God paused on the seventh day because he was tired. I like to imagine him sitting in an Adirondack chair, leaning way back, with His hands clasped behind his head, with a tall glass of lemonade. I like to think the Sabbath was similar to that moment when you finish eating an amazing meal, where you just pause and say, ah that was good.

What a challenge. When was the last time you stopped to appreciate the good in life?
Sometimes that rest is just for us, but true rest is always through Him. In Matt 11 Jesus says something to the effect of, “Come to me, and will give you rest.” There’s a give and take with rest. He is faithful to give it, but we have to come. And that’s the tough part. Learning to live in “awkward silence” with God. But the space between the "moments" can be just as beautiful for the story as the moments themselves. Part of embracing rest is learning to love the middle. Many I’ve found myself looking forward, with so much anticipation for what comes next that I totally miss out on what’s happening now.

Always looking forward to the next part of my life
I can not wait for moving on
Why does the future always seem to be so bright
I’m paralyzed by the dawn

I______I_I___I______II_________I____X
Here’s a little diagram of how I perceived life. The dashes represent things like;
birth, getting your license, graduation, marriage, promotion, retirement, and the x is death.
What I realized though, is that life actually happens in the space between the lines. Just a as music lives in the moments of rest between the notes. What didn’t click until years later was that my relationship with God is not really marked by the proverbial “Mountain Top” experiences (retreats, conferences, great worship nights, etc.) but in the quiet places. The times where I have to struggle to hear God. The times when he builds my character. It is in these moments I come to Him and he meets me with rest and with peace. If we wait to enjoy peace and rest until everything is perfect we’ll be waiting for Godot. I think it’s about slowly redefining stability as internal easiness amidst external difficulties.

MATTHEW 11
“O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, thank you for hiding these things from those who think themselves wise and clever, and for revealing them to the childlike. 26 Yes, Father, it pleased you to do it this way!
27 “My Father has entrusted everything to me. No one truly knows the Son except the Father, and no one truly knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.”
28 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

A Strait and Narrow Walk Down The Aisle

2011-03-01T13:14:00.003-05:00

God "The Groom"

There was a time not to long ago when a lot of the songs being sung in churches on Sunday morning sounded like they should be sung by Barry White in a dim lit room. You know the songs I’m talking about. “I find I’m moving to the rhythm of your Grace, Your fragrance is intoxicating...”. I’ll be honest it kind of creeped me out. Can anyone really be that “in love” with God? Many of us have heard the sermons. The ones stressing the importance of having an “intimate relationship” with God. My brain working the way it does tried to find a formula for this intimacy. If I get on my knees, in a closet, with candles flickering and soft music playing, and I just close my eyes and wait for ”my lover” to come.That’s a great formula if your a disillusioned stalker, but it didn’t feel very spiritual.

As a song writer I can understand the poetic leaps one might take to write such sentiments. We the church are the “bride of Christ” and if you read about the bride in song of Solomon it gets pretty “intimate” and next thing you know congregations are singing “sexy Jesus” songs. But how do we as a people actually get there? Do we need to get there?

First of all let’s establish that the Church/Bride thing is in fact Scriptural. Ephesians, Matthew, and Revelation all cover the subject. The most pragmatic being in Ephesians.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Here’s the interesting part. If you read through this passage it’s mainly descriptive of how we are to receive love from the groom as opposed to prescriptive measures on how give to love the groom. Sounds like we’re getting the better end of the bargain. Marrying up as they say.

Sometimes I wonder if this concept ties into the whole “predestination vs. free will debate” A groom chooses his Bride, he courts her, pursues her, and then asks for her hand. So she’s been “chosen”. But the bride, in many cultures at least, can refuse the proposal. So she’s chosen, but she has a choice. So how then, other than “respecting” the Husband do we return this love? John quotes Jesus saying, “if you love me, keep my commandments.” . And if you remember Jesus, when asked what the greatest commandment was, answered something to the effect of Love God, Love your neighbor. I’m going to do a little pop-corning here, but it kind of seems like Jesus is saying, “If you love me you will love God and Love others.”

Maybe getting intimate with God looks less like a romantic evening alone and more like taking an hour to listen to the stories of others. Showing them patience and compassion. Unpacking the goodness that’s in their unique deposit of God’s Image. I will say this. The presence of God is a real thing. The people who really “get” it, are the one’s who are not afraid of alone time with the groom. I am in no way discounting the importance and necessity of a “1 on 1” relationship with God. I am simply suggesting that the other side of the coin is being in community with other believers and having compassion on the poor, and poor in spirit.

Jesus was pushed on the technicality of the word “neighbor” in Luke 10
25 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
26 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”
27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’[a]; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b]”
28 “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”
29 But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

Jesus then tells the famous parable of the Good Samaritan, and ends it by asking a rhetorical question. “Who do you think your neighbor is?” I believe the answer is whoever God puts in your path that needs help. The sick and the dying are everywhere. There is hurt and pain all around. This can make compassion seem overwhelming. But Let me encourage you to 1. Know that you are on a path and 2. Not be afraid to see the need on that path. It is strait and it’s narrow and it’s paved with a love that comes from the Father and returns to the Groom.

Dogma & Pony Show

2011-02-28T13:02:00.003-05:00

God The Destiny Giver
Have you ever prayed for God to show you what His will is for your life? I have. Prayer meetings, day dreams, conferences, sermons and other spiritual “highs” all consumed by this burning question of “What is God’s great destiny for my life?” It’s like at some point in the late 80’s the American dream became homogenized with the Gospel and there’s a whole generation of Christians running around in desperate search for their “calling”.

It seems that while the ideal of “you can be whatever you want to be.” has remained, it’s application has changed. The dream used to be having land and a farm and raising a bunch of kids. If you were a homesteader you had arrived. For many it was trade labor. The dream was to be able to hang a shingle with your name on it. For others after the industrial revolution, the dream was to climb the ladder. Work hard for 25 years and retire on a nice pension. The cultural awakening of the late 60’s and early 70’s lead to a split in philosophy while many were still trying to climb corporate ladders, others were “sticking it to the man”. So by the time my generation came along, “You can be anything you want to be” Had drastically changed.

We all wanted to be rock stars, celebrities, rich or famous. Some of us wanted all of the above. I live in a town full of stardom seeking gen-x and now y-ers. All hoping to "make it". Most not even sure what "making it" means. Of course experts are now predicting this to shift again soon. Instead of rock stars they will want to be Steve Jobs, and Mark Zuckerberg. But the point is most of us were told we could be “great”. Our parents “believed” in us. No one mentioned that for every “winner” there are thousands if not tens of thousands of people who spend their life in discontent because their not “living the dream”. Just look at the American Idol auditions. Stadiums full of people wanting to be on top of the world. Hoping someone will know their name. One of the Idol winners from early on is close with a couple friends of mine. They all played in a club, in town, not to long ago, for about 40 people. No media coverage, just friends happy to be playing music together. The idol winner was singing backup and introduced simply by their first name. Many in the crowd didn’t even recognize them. No one tells you that even if you “make” it, it probably won’t last very long. And chances are you might end up back where you started.

Paul said, “I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.”
There’s this sense that contentment, as Paul describes it, has been sucked into oblivion by a black hole of ideals, and pop psychology self help dogma.

So then, is it any wonder, how so many of us in believerhood can be so lost as to what our “purpose” is? The problem is that we’re convinced there is a “great calling” in the first place. You know what scripture says about the “will of God”? Let me sum it up for you in three phrases.
1. Do Right
2. Do Right Continually
3. Continually Do Right as a member of the family of God

If you break down 1 Thess. 5 there’s a pretty good description of God’s will.

Appreciate those you work for, with, learn from, and have deep loving relationships with.
Live at peace with one another
admonish the unruly
encourage the fainthearted
help the weak
be patient with everyone
let no one repay evil for evil
always seek what’s best for each-other and for humanity
Rejoice always
Never stop communicating with the father
be thankful for everything
THIS IS GOD’s WILL

By the way does any of this sound familiar? It’s a lot like the “Love Chapter” isn’t it? One of my pastor friends often says, “if you want to know what God’s will is for your life, find something He’s already doing.”. Another pastor I know says, “Stop asking what God’s will is for your life and just ask for His will”. Allow me to add one thought of conjecture here. My goal is not to discourage you from having dreams and visions for the future. Or to have you loose all resolve for accomplishment in your life. I truly believe each one of us is designed with a unique deposit of God’s Image inside of us. That deposit holds gifts, talents, abilities, character traits and so much more. All of which must be explored and cultivated. As for greatness and fame, many will make an impact, few will leave a lasting impression. But it Christ we can show love to all that we might win some. I believe it's great to strive for excellence but maybe greatness belongs to God. And what of the stadiums full of people starving to be known. I'd say there is a God that is longing to know them. I've heard evangelists say there's a God shaped hole in the heart of every man. But have you ever considered the YOU shaped hole in the heart of God.

Bad Theology Flavored Popcorn

2011-02-27T16:40:00.001-05:00

God the Redeemer
When I first got out of college I started working for a PR firm in Nashville. Publicist are known for having a certain way with words. Which is why they sometimes get labeled as “spin doctors”. Taking a hard truth and covering it with sweet sauce to make it not so hard to swallow. It’s essentially the same thing we do when we’re six and get caught pulling our sisters hair.

“why did you pull her hair?”
“there was something in it” (she’s wearing a hair-clip)
“what was in it?”
“it looked like a bug” (it was shaped like a butterfly)
“what did you do with it?”
“bugs fly away” (true but totally irrelevant to the question)

And this is how many of us are trained to deal with sin. With some sort of sterilized substitute for honesty and transparency we “admit to being sinners” but we downplay the struggle. It often comes across as if the “struggle with sin” was in a far distant land many years ago, before we “arrived” at the solid impervious faith we now maintain. And this is the bullshit that passes for “bearing one anthers burdens”.

In retrospect, the “outside in” approach to discipleship I experienced early on in my life is almost humorous. Well meaning believers love to string along pop-corned phrases from verses and hang them on a tree of “accountability”. I know because I was “that guy”. For example, growing up going to the movies was frowned upon, especially if there was a rated R movie showing at the same time. The argument was that a good christian, “is above reproach, and should abstain from the appearance of evil”.

Let’s take a min. and used my over priced theological training to do a little apologetic for my contempt of what the nerds would cal a hermanutical leap (pop-corning). I’ll start with the, “appearance of evil” line. How curious that a line often used as “loving correction” (which is spin for playing the roll of what a pastor friend of mine calls “HOLY SPIRIT jr.”) is preceded by five verses admonishing the church folk to essentially love each-other and get one-anothers back. Secondly the term “appearance of evil” is in and of itself a debatabley weak translation for the Greek in that sentence. Most translations read something more like, “avoid all types of evil” Which is reminiscent of what Jesus prayed, lead us not into temptation, deliver us from evil/ the evil one”. And thirdly even if “appearance of evil” was the best translation the verses directly preceding that phrase are about prophecy and misappropriation of the gifts of the holy spirit.

1 Thess. 5
12 But we request of you, brethren, that you appreciate those who diligently labor among you, and have charge over you in the Lord and give you instruction, 13 and that you esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Live in peace with one another. 14 We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 15 See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people. 16 Rejoice always; 17 pray without ceasing; 18 in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 19 Do not quench the Spirit;20 do not despise prophetic utterances. 21 But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good; 22 abstain from every form of evil.

All of that to say this. Look at the verses following our now over dissected verse 22. Who is doing the sanctifying? God. Who brings to pass the preservation of our soul, body, blamelessness and the coming of Jesus? God.

23 Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 24 Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.

Besides all of this, who decides what does and does not “appear” evil. The answer, in case you missed it, is THE HOLY SPIRIT. You know who didn’t “abstain from the appearance of evil”? Jesus.

LUKE 7
33 “For John the Baptist has come eating no bread and drinking no wine, and you say, ‘He has a demon!’ 34“The Son of Man has come eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Behold, a gluttonous man and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’

Okay, so how about that whole, “above reproach” thing?

Philippians 2.
... work out your salvation with fear and trembling; 13 for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.
14 Do all things without grumbling or disputing; 15 so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world,

The tendency is to assume that “above reproach” means “do nothing wrong” or at the very least have no appearance of doing wrong. Another skill Publicist have is interview coaching. So when the president of BP goes on TV to talk about all the good stuff the company is doing in the communities affected by the oil spill people genuinely like and respond well. There’s a fancy “industry insider” word we have for these moments. It’s called acting.

Is it possible that being above reproach is less about being perfect and more about being honest. What if we just focus on, “esteeming each other highly in love” and “living at peace” with one another. What if we stop trying to play the roll of “Holy Spirit Jr.” and allow God with love, goodness, and grace to “do a good work” in ourselves and each-other. There’s a fancy word for that one as well. It’s called redemption.

Nobility of a "mac and cheese" God

2011-02-26T12:56:00.000-05:00

God as Defined by Love
“God is Love”...For many of us it’s a phrase we hear most of our lives. The confusion comes as to 1. why that’s important and 2. what does it mean? Agape, theGreek root used for this particular reference has connotations of benevolence and good will. But that still doesn’t feel like much of a personification. What about Paul’s description in His letter to the Corinthian Church? You know, the “love chapter”.

“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8Love never fails;...”

And slowly this broader picture of love starts to get painted on the canvas of our soul. For me it’s very easy to turn it into a mathematical equation. If A=B and B=C than God = patience, kindness, and behavioral to do list. But it’s not a to do list at all. It’s more like a wittiness giving a description to a sketch artist. A sketch is really important, because it tells us what where looking for.

Here’s the interesting part. This “sketch” of love isn’t just so we can recognize God it’s so we can relate TO God. What I mean is this. The “two great commandments” according to Jesus are Love God and Love others right? Well is it possible that when interacting with God we should, “hope all things, and believe all things, and keep no record of “wrongs” (if you’ve never felt wronged by God you are a better person than I) and so on. This is what happens
in a relationship. It’s give and take. When being love is abstract and just sits on the shelf of happy Sunday school ideas it’s not very effective in changing lives, including out own.

Someone told me recently that the most import precept in scripture is not the cross but rather the love of the Father.

1 John 4
7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has
been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

So the same God who is patient with us, who rejoices in the truth, and bears all things with us is the Father who gave up is most prized possession (his son). So that he cold have the opportunity to personally and intimately Love a human race that’s broken, dysfunctional, and so cautious with it’s spirituality it would rather keep God as “the big guy upstairs who blesses our mac and cheese”. The cost of grace is far greater than the price of our pride. and it is pride not nobility that keeps us from embracing HIS love fully.

Million Miles to Love

2011-02-25T12:07:00.001-05:00

GOD THE PERSON
For many of us our ideology is rooted in God as a concept and not a person. At which point God becomes like a desk from ikea. There’s an instruction manual, a box full of parts, and a pretty picture on the front that shows us what the desk should look like. The problem is if we only read the instruction manual and look at the picture we’re missing out on the best part.
It’s when you actually begin unpacking the desk and utilizing the instructions, checking it against the picture on the box that the desk becomes real. You can interact with the desk, spend time with it and so on.

So is reading the instruction manual (Scripture) and studying the picture (Jesus) good? Absolutely! But there is so much more of God to unpack making God less and less like a concept and more and more like a person. You can be encouraged, enlightened, and uplifted by a concept But you can be consoled, comforted, and communed with by a person.

it's a constant process. So many times we get frustrated because we can't "see" God and so God gets mixed in with religion and it all becomes part of this whole cultural existence. The truth is we can "see" God if we are looking through the lens of the Holy Spirit...I can see Him in you, In the face of the poor and hungry, in the kindness of strangers, even in nature or unbelievers because they all carry traces of the Image of God

And the truth is getting to know God, and not just about God takes time. It’s like any other relationship. In the beginning all you have to build on are common interests, past experiences that are similar, and the weather. It’s fairly mechanical for a while. But then as the relationship progresses the “data” you’ve collected about each other starts to make way for a deeper connection. I cerebraly know you love sushi because we talked about it over coffee. I make us a dinner reservation at a Sushi restaurant and now we have a shared experience, which leads to learning more information and maybe that information touches the service of your emotions. And the cycle continues as long as the relationship does. So slowly but surely that concept of a divine being goes from being a million miles away to being The Father, Groom, Shepherd we know so well and so sweet we call Him by name “Love”.

break it to make it better

2011-02-24T13:36:00.002-05:00

GOD OF THE BROKEN

FROM HEBREWS 12
"My son, don't take lightly the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when you are reproved by him;
For whom the Lord loves, he chastens, and scourges every son whom he receives."

The God I grew up with did not like me very much. Every time I screwed up he was there with a spoonful of guilt and a tall glass of shame to wash it down with. My faith was centered on behavioral modification. What I could do or not do to avoid divine disappointment? The problem with experiencing God that way is making punishment and discipline equal. And honestly the reason we make this synopsis in our brain is that it’s the reality we lived through most of our lives.

When you’re late for work and it affects your pay, that's discipline. If someone cuts you off and you tailgate them 20 miles out of your way just to make a point, that's punishment. The difference between the two is that punishment has no redemptive quality and is abusive by nature. God is not abusive in nature.

Recently my mom injured herself while working with her horses. She did some pretty nasty damage to her shoulder. My Mother is anything but a wimp when it comes to physical pain. Living with Lupus and Fibromyalgia for twenty some odd years has made her pretty tough. Unfortunately this time her stubbornness caused more pain than it was worth. The injured area that went untreated covered itself in scar tissue and made her arm nearly immobilized. A somewhat immediate surgery was called for which involved cutting through the scar tissue with a laser. The goal is to alleviate the pressure and help her regain some mobility. The interesting part is that the bodies resilience and propensity toward fixing itself is actually works against the healing process in cases like this.So every day, for a season, she has to rotate her body in such a way that it rips, tears, and breaks any connections the muscles are trying to make with the damaging newly severed scar tissue. She has to break it to make it better.

That word scourge in Hebrews 12 also had cultural significance to cleansing and healing. Which is why the passage that says, "by his stripes we are healed" is not so out of place. There was this cultural connection between discipline and healing. Does sin have consequence? Yes. Is that consequence anger and disappointment from God? I don't believe it is. 1 John 4:18 reads, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
Fear has to do with punishment. Love has to do with discipline.

Sometimes the ripping, tearing, and breaking we feel are what's best for us. It's a way of keeping the scar tissue from immobilizing us. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt violently at the time. But it is redemptive in nature. Brokenness, believe it or not truly is an act of love. So if your feeling the "scourging" let me encourage you and say, “welcome to the family.”

Traveling South. The Culture of Tradition

2010-12-27T12:17:00.010-05:00

INTRODUCTION
As I recall, in my younger years birthdays were a big deal. They usually had some type of theme based on whatever cartoon I was obsessed with at the time and a cake decorated with anthropomorphic reptiles or masked heroes. Looking back I still get a strong sense that my family tried very hard to make those days totally about me. Most parents don't wake up on their kids birthday and think, "I can't wait to have 15 screaming second graders in my house sticking tacks in my wall on through a cardboard donkey!" Nope, as a kid birthdays were all about me; the things I liked, the presents I wanted, the people I wanted around me.

Ironic that in the over indulgence of celebrating myself I would find my frustration with commercialized retail spectacle this generation has come to know as Christmas. Disenfranchised by the subjugating nature of holiday tradition I felt like it was time to hit the reset button and re-calibrate the ideology I associate with Christmas. Be it selfishness or an inward fear of being disingenuous I felt a deviation from the norm was necessary.

PART 1 - The Road Trip Begins
I got a call from my friend Mark about a week before Christmas, "Hey man, I'm in Memphis you wanna hang out?" It's about a three hour drive from my house to Memphis and I really did want to go however, I had just thrown out my back a few days before and was right in the middle of a series of chiropractic and message therapy treatments. I also had a few meetings I really couldn't get out of. I declined his invitation regretfully. The next day I received a call from a close friend of mine who lives in Dallas. She informed me that she would be meeting Mark in Louisiana later in the week. This timing was much better, the only problem was getting to Texas. As it happens my roommate was leaving the next day for Mt. Pleasant which just a couple hours east of Dallas. I worked out the rest of the details as best I could, packed a bag and headed west.

PART 2 - Natchitoches
Mark asked Lore and I to meet him in Natchitoches La. A small town a few hours North of New Orleans. Initially we were under the impression that Natchitoches was just a town chosen with utilitarian motives as a central meeting point. A good part of the day was simply spent attempting to figure out how to say Natchitoches, each of the locals had their own interpretation it seemed. It's a place known for many things including meat pies, racism, the set location for Steel Magnolias and an it's "World Famous Festival of Lights". Which as it turns out was the reason for our trip there. Mark is a photo journalist and works for a number of major publications in New York. He was working on a story there. The light show was a mix of religious iconography, Santa centric imagery and athletic axioms like "Who Dat!" and "Go Saints". And I that's what the Holidays are about right? Raindeer landing on the roof of the manger where baby Jesus is met by the three line men. "Who dat kid be in that krib? Who Dat? Who Dat?

PART 3 - Camping
Mark and I parted ways with Lore and headed for the state park. It was a perfect evening for camping. At least it was for mark. With his sleeping bag and bed mat and optional tent in case of a early morning rain. I had not really planned on camping and thus my plush pillow and down blanket were supplemented by a small tarp and extra cover that happened to be in the car. We built a fire. I played some music for a bit trying to finish a song I had been working on. Mark and I caught up and drank beer. Remember those back problems I'd been having? I admit sleeping on the ground wasn't the greatest exertion of wisdom I'd had of late but it worked as well as it could. We woke up early covered in due like a lawn in spring, packed up, and headed for New Orleans.

To be continued....
Photos Courtesy of Mark

NEW BLACK CLASSIC

2010-10-11T16:39:00.001-04:00

GAP LOGO CONCEPT

2010-10-10T19:16:00.001-04:00

Hello Dig

2010-08-24T13:51:00.002-04:00

Check out the TRAILER for our smoking aces EP

Finishing Strong. A great season comes to a close.

2010-08-18T11:30:00.005-04:00

Thirteen months ago, I sat at a coffee shop with a lady who had better options.
Options of stability, timelyness, comfort and so on. And, as was expected though our
interaction was pleasant she chose the more practical solution.

God had a different plan in mind. The woman was Becky Hicks and ten days later
Becky called me and said, "J. I know this will sound crazy, but I didn't feel comfortable with
that family living in my house, I really feel like your supposed to be the one who lives there."

And so in July of last year I moved in to 222 5th Ave. S. I told Becky I had heart to love people
and help out those in need. She told me she loved the idea of her grandmother's house being
used in that way. She has been gracious every step of the way. Flexible with payments, time,
and always stuck to her guns that she felt I was supposed to be there.

Thanks largely to her heart for me, 222 housed numerous missionaries, pastors, bands, homeless,
broken, depressed, hungry, and amazing people. It wasn't always perfect, we didn't always all live in
complete harmony and unison; but overall it was an amazing season.

In late july we got word that through a chain of events the city did some investigation into our ministry.
They infomed us that what we were doing was breaking a city ordinance and we weren't zoned properly.
We were given until the end of the month of August to clear the house and cease operations.

And so this chapter has quickly come to a close. It was good. It was right. And now I want to finish strong.
There are some expenses that have built up over the last 13 months that I have been paying off bit by bit.
Including, some final utility expenses, and some rent payments from early on, with some of our early guests
took advantage of the situation in a negative way.

I would really like to bless Becky for taking a chance on me, and this ministry. I would like to show her that
it's worth it to trust people, and believe in them. The total ammount remaining in my debt to her is $966.
If there is any way you could come along side me in this last push to finish strong, I would greatly appreciate it.
Anything over the remaining balance will go as a gift for her. Becky's had to pay for a lot of damage that came after
the flooding we had in nashville, and she spent a month out of work earlier in the year with an injury.

Any donations can be made out to conduit mission
and mailed to:
J. Morris C/O John Ross
524 OverView Lane
Franklin TN, 37064

Thank you all for being with me this year.
Your love has gone farther than you can imagine.
Blessings.

I got stuff. You got stuff. Now What?

2010-08-05T12:41:00.004-04:00

It used to be the only thing I worried about when attending a wedding was if my mom ironed my shirt and if my game boy had fresh batteries. I didn't have much vested interest in the actual marriage. They were my parents friends or my aunts and as long as I got some pigs in a blanket and a few cups of punch I considered the whole thing a great success.

Twenty years later I'm not sure my success standards are much higher. I'd prefer chicken marsalla to mini hot dogs and a glass of wine to punch. That being said, my connection to those getting married has increased substantialy. Now they're my friends, people I've shared life with in some form or another.

Even more odd is when these married couples come and ask my advice on something. Everything is so clear when your single. Or it seems to be. I have often thought things like, "why can't they see how they speak to eachother?" and "dude your not listening to her!" I nievly wonder how it could be so hard for married couples to just talk through things and come to logical reasonable solutions.

The truth is I know better. I've read a dozen or so books that tell me things like, mens ears are blue, and womens brains are like spaghetti, and they're both from different planets. Logical solutions don't really work though, not usually. We like the idea of a formula but when the equation is altered by sex, emotion, baggage, and hormones it gets pretty difficult to "solve" anything.

I was talking to an older married couple once about their "sucess" and how they achieved it. The man told me ,"you want to have a good marriage, get the first two out of the way." We laughed for a minute and then he leaned foward in his worn recliner and said, "If you always put the other person first you can't lose".

This sentiment has stuck with me for most of my adult life. I wonder if maybe it could be that simple. This idea of selflessness, or atleast an attempt to go in that direction. Two people putting eachother first, one day at a time. Because we all have baggage right? I got stuff. You got stuff. Now What?

j.

Fall in Love with YOUR NIEGHBOR

2009-07-27T15:50:00.002-04:00

the story of Turntable 222.

Fall, for many, is a time of new beginnings, some spend 12, 16, and even 20 years with fall as a transition into something new. A new grade, a new school, a new state or even country. Transitions don't stop however, when you receive a diploma or begin a career. They just cease to be scheduled.

When we are young seasons change with excitment. There are "back to school" sales, and winter vacations. Unfortunately, in adulthood, Macy's doesn't have a sale when a company downsizes; and there is no winter break from the responsibility of payment and process.

Over the course of my life I have shared space with many hospitable strangers, friends, and "makeshift family". In my time of need people have brought me in, given me a floor, bed , a comfy couch nestled by a window in a family room some where. I have poured out my soul over coffee and had my soul restored over tea. I have been taught how to learn and showed how to love well.

Transitions don't always come with a warning, and for many they don't come with support. It is this realization that has brought me to where I am now. Writing this letter from a donated couch in my living room. Picturing my house full of people who are leaving one season and transitioning or "Transferring" to the next.

The way I'm wired, the best way to connect with people, is to meet a physical need first and then if the opportunity arises, meet the spiritual or emotional needs as well. And often the three happen at once. This, along with all that I have said above, is the vision and heart of what is called "Turntable 222". A mission statement might read something like, "changing seasons, sharing life."

The hope is to give people a place to stay for little or no money, to have some time to collect their thoughts, stir up their soul, and feed their bellies. There's most definitely a need in this area. Within hours of signing the lease, I had a local pastor send me a guy who is trying to fix his marriage, strengthen his faith, and get his business off the ground. He was sleeping at the church and we were able to give him a roof, a shower, and a place to wash his clothes. And the calls keep coming.

So in case you haven't figured it out by now this is a support letter. I'm not going to build a well in Africa, or play soccer with orphans in Honduras.
I'm staying right here, in my small town and pouring into my community. I hope that you will partner with me in this endeavor. I know times are tight for many, money may not be an option. I understand. Or, maybe you just don't feel connected to this cause. St. Paul, the Apostle, told the early church that if they ever felt like they were giving out of pressure, they were not required to give.

Here are some practical ways you can help;
We are building some bunk beds, and
making some furniture for the dining room; which is to be set up like a cafe with room to seat about 16. we need money for materials.
Donations of furniture ie couches, coffee, tables, rugs whatever would be appreciated from local partners.

Food. soups pastas etc
Supplies, soaps, sponges, paper products
gift cards. Wal mart, Home Depot, Good Will

Financial donations will help cover the overhead cost and will help us provide for the needs of our borders and guests during their time of transition.

Or, a super practical way to help support the mission is to support my trade, refer someone you know who needs a website or print material done to me, and you will create an opportunity for resources to be put back into the house.

Thank you so much for reading this letter and letting me share my heart. Please contact me if you want more information.
Love well and be blessed.

How do you know he's the right one?

2009-06-02T10:33:00.002-04:00

or in my case she>

A friend of mine from New England and I were chatting on IM the other day, she started the conversation with a pointed interesting question. "How do you know if your supposed to date someone or not?" ...

My thoughts are as follows,

I have a saying, "there are boys you crush on, guys you date, and a man you marry."
don't waste time on boys and guys there not worth the heart ache,but a man who loves you well, he will find you.
obviously it is different for each person. I personally have a 4-6 month rule
if I think I like someone I try to get to know them for a while first if the feelings are still there after a few months it's a win win, you already know each other better and there is some security that thet're sticking around for a while.
If they are not there it wasn't worth it to one person or the other, "love is patient"

within the context of those months evaluate it on what you know love is supposed to be, with the understanding that it's messy and imperfect. Are they kind, do they make you feel like a better person/ bring out the best in you?
is he/she willing to do the hard work when things get a little messy
or do they kind of shut off?
does he/she care about how you need to be loved and can she communicate you he/she wants to receive it in return? These are important things.

I think that while love is always a series of actions, it should also come easy. believe the best for each other, hoping for and seeing the greatness inside....but it do not have expectations of change.
I mean to say a horrible cook may become an okay cook but he'll never be a chef.
if you go into a relationship wanting a chef, than date a chef, don't date a dishwasher you hope to turn into a chef.
the metaphor of course runs deeper than cooking. Date someone you already like not someone you would like IF...

Communication is like a dance, sometimes it just clicks and the two partners move seamlessly and other times we stumble for a bit before getting into rhythm.
but if he/she seems has no rhythm at all than watch out! You may be dancing with someone else partner, what seems clumsy to you will be perfect for another.

and top of the top, for me at least, is does her love for Jesus ooze out of her, to the point of almost being annoying? as a guy I want to be the spiritual leader but I don't want a dummy, I want to be challenged.

one last but very important thing is attraction. It matters. I have been told it really helps in those tough times.

So how do you know if you should date someone?

its a tough call to make. but it' not finding someone you can live with it's finding someone you can't live without.
And when things don't work out remember,it takes a long time to walk into love and we do walk, not fall. And just because relationships end doesn't mean they stop emotionally right away.

boys you crush on, guys you date, and a man you marry.
j.

So that was my take on things what do you guys think?

test

2005-08-22T18:19:00.000-04:00

Testing 1 2, 1 2, Is this thing on?

2005-08-08T18:33:00.000-04:00