Tuesday, June 02, 2009

How do you know he's the right one?

or in my case she>

A friend of mine from New England and I were chatting on IM the other day, she started the conversation with a pointed interesting question. "How do you know if your supposed to date someone or not?" ...

My thoughts are as follows,

I have a saying, "there are boys you crush on, guys you date, and a man you marry." 
don't waste time on boys and guys there not worth the heart ache,but a man who loves you well, he will find you.
obviously it is different for each person. I personally have a 4-6 month rule
if I think I like someone I try to get to know them for a while first if the feelings are still there after a few months it's a win win, you already know each other better and there is some security that thet're sticking around for a while.
If they are not there it wasn't worth it to one person or the other, "love is patient"

within the context of those months evaluate it on what you know love is supposed to be, with the understanding that it's messy and imperfect. Are they kind, do they make you feel like a better person/ bring out the best in you?
is he/she willing to do the hard work when things get a little messy
or do they kind of shut off?
does he/she care about how you need to be loved and can she communicate you he/she wants to receive it in return? These are important things.

I think that while love is always a series of actions, it should also come easy. believe the best for each other, hoping for and seeing the greatness inside....but it do not have expectations of change.
I mean to say a horrible cook may become an okay cook but he'll never be a chef.
if you go into a relationship wanting a chef, than date a chef, don't date a dishwasher you hope to turn into a chef.
the metaphor of course runs deeper than cooking. Date someone you already like not someone you would like IF...

Communication is like a dance, sometimes it just clicks and the two partners move seamlessly and other times we stumble for a bit before getting into rhythm.
but if he/she seems has no rhythm at all than watch out! You may be dancing with someone else partner, what seems clumsy to you will be perfect for another.

and top of the top, for me at least, is does her love for Jesus ooze out of her, to the point of almost being annoying? as a guy I want to be the spiritual leader but I don't want a dummy, I want to be challenged.

one last but very important thing is attraction. It matters. I have been told it really helps in those tough times.

So how do you know if you should date someone?

its a tough call to make. but it' not finding someone you can live with it's finding someone you can't live without.
And when things don't work out remember,it takes a long time to walk into love and we do walk, not fall. And just because relationships end doesn't mean they stop emotionally right away.

boys you crush on, guys you date, and a man you marry. 

So that was my take on things what do you guys think?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Very well said J. I never noticed before but my bf from the past I always referred to them as "guys" and yet when I met my husband I called my mother and said I think I just met the "man" I am going to marry.
God Bless-Rebecca M. (VA BCH, VA)